How New Age Spirituality has influenced Culture and Why - Some thoughts and a video

I'm sharing, in this post, a fascinating and important talk on the roots and influence of New Age philosophy in all aspects of modern society and why people are turning away from Christianity.

Over the course of my lifetime (43) years I have seen a huge shift. People have overwhelmingly abandoned traditional Christianity and turned to atheism, agnostism, or new age spirituality. 

Why has this happened? 

I believe that a major sifting is happening. In the past, people ascribed to Christian beliefs  because the church was a force in the culture. There were social privileges that came with being a "good church going Christian" and social sanctions for not being one. People didn't necessarily have to really believe to gain access to these privileges, they only had to put on a good show which led to the kind of hypocrisy that scandalised many and that Jesus, more than anyone spent his life on earth decrying. Jesus hated hypocrisy.

These days the opposite is true. Indeed, to be a true Christian these days means being ostracised by polite society. Much of The Bible is considered either irrelevant, offensive to modern sensibilities or both. Religion is thought to be too controlling and outmoded or just a crutch for the weak. 

Behaviour that would have been considered shocking in the past is now acceptable. This has led many people  to freely indulge in all manner of activities that would have meant social exclusion in the past. This has prevented a lot of hypocrisy while also revealing the truth of people's hearts. 

When given the opportunity to live as we want without any negative social implications and indeed, even with social rewards, what will we do? This "free" cultural atmosphere reveals the truth of souls. 

What reveals truth? Revelation. I do believe that we are living in a time  that the book of Revelation, the final book of The Bible speaks about. This book is also called The Apocalypse. The Bible prophesies a great apostasy or turning away from the truth in the end days.

Yet, human beings haven't ever lived and cannot live without God. So to fill the need for God on their own terms, they invent their own. Spirituality has taken over from Christianity. This Spirituality doesn't depend on any absolute truths but relative ones which means everyone gets to make their own god or gods with their own attributes that fulfil all the particular specifications of the individual. These gods give no absolute commandments to protect and guide or free the soul from the limitations and bondage of self and sin.

In these self made, customised religions, there is no need for mystery because esoteric knowledge will be given to the initiated. There is no need for guidance or doctrine or the protection of the church because there is only love and light in the spiritual realms. There is no need to pray, because power is manifested from within if you are "enlightened." Eventually, the end result is that people become their own gods. But we cannot save ourselves. We cannot free ourselves from ourselves. We need a Saviour. We need God. 

This talk is particularly fascinating to me because it reflects some of my own journey from New Age philosophy, heavily influenced by Anthroposophy, to traditional Catholicism.

These new age philosophies influence music, media, films, fashion and much of modern culture. They are so powerful and able to move so freely because, those in positions of power, the elite, are steeped in them themselves through masonry and they infuse the culture with these beliefs as a form of social engineering. 

These new age philosophies which stem from masonic networks are infiltrating Christianity too now and getting mixed up in a modern form of Christianity which contains a lot of heresies. People don't understand the danger of heresy anymore. It sounds like such an outdated word. Yet one small heresy is akin to making the smallest engineering part of a ship a millimetre out of shape. It won't necessarily make an enormous difference at first, yet over the course of years and generations it will lead to major error and turn the course of the whole ship. 

Freemasonry influenced that period of history known as  "The Enlightenment" which attempted to de spiritualise humanity. Lucifer (one of the names of the adversary - Satan) is known as an angel of light. Yet the light or "knowledge" he gives is false, deceives, leads away from true light and leads to destruction of the soul.

The story of Adam and Eve eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil led them out of the garden of Eden where they could walk with God in truth, beauty, goodness and love to the hard world, where "the prince of this world" causes havoc and the mortal body dies.

But the soul is eternal and how we live in this temporal world effect our soul in very real ways. Jesus came to teach us these eternal truths, He came to guide us and to save us. He said: 

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand." - John 10:27-28

"The Church is that within which is right order. Outside the puerilities and despairs, even in these, our earthly miseries, we always hear the distant something of an eternal music and smell a native air. Within that household, the human spirit has roof and hearth. Outside, it is the night." - Hilaire Belloc

The hardest homeschooling days - A Spiritual Journey

The hardest homeschooling days weren’t when they were little and every day was brimming full to overflowing with  laundry, dishes, sweet, early morning snuggles. The days when I was pregnant and heavy and carrying teething toddlers on my hips while working out geometry problems. The days of veggie sticks and cupcakes with sprinkles, dandelion posies in jam jars and wailing car journeys. The days of stolen moments to nap or write a few lines or knit a few rows. The days of giggling under blankets, sofa forts and tea parties on the living room floor. The days of aching loneliness and the sweetest consolation and moments of communion. Times where it felt like Jesus was actually walking beside me when I was afraid.

No, the hardest days came after these. 

As life became less brimming and overflowing I began to exhale. I began to forget the things that had given Grace to the grit of struggle.

I prayed less. I think that’s where it began.

Soon I stopped going to mass every week. I would go to the woods instead. I'd say things like, ‘I find my God in nature more than in church.’ I forgot the Grace of sacramental life. I forgot that the sacrifice comes before the blessing. 

Although I still find the beauty of the creator in His creation, I don’t idolise it. This world is not our soul’s true home. Ut Migraturus Habita.  

I started to read books on buddhism and the new age. They seemed so full of esoteric, knowledge, and secret patterns that connected all the dots in the universe, like how constellations connect stars. There were similes and symbols everywhere.  I went down ‘truther’ rabbit holes and got lost. I rediscovered astrology. I went to new age gatherings where women were goddesses. I stopped seeing deception for what it was, the antithesis of truth, the doorway to forgetfulness.

The word religion means to re/connect, to bring the fragmentary, the incomplete and the broken to wholeness, to holiness. To remember who we are. There is a touching and telling moment in  the story of the prodigal son. It comes after the son has squandered his Father’s inheritance and is sitting, starving among the pigs and their empty husks. It is a still life portrait of a worldly dream come to it’s natural conclusion. Yet it is in that moment of complete disillusionment with what the world offers that he remembers his Father’s house and ‘comes back to himself’. After ‘coming back to himself’, his true self, and identity as His Father's child, he musters the strength and clarity to return to his true home.

A half truth is a complete lie. We are made for the fullness of truth. And there can only be one truth. 

In the faith, the evil one is known by names that denote his character. He is known as lucifer, (the light bearer), devil, (accuser and deceiver), satan, ( adversary).

Here is a comprehensive list of names and their meanings taken directly from Biblical texts.

Satan can come dressed as an Angel of light. He is the deceiver. He is the father of lies.

During this time of wandering away I began to fall for many lies. The truth became tough to swallow. I began to think the laws of The Bible weren't a good fit for me. I began to take on the rules and belief system of the culture which says anything goes, mocks virtue and seeks to justify vice.

It was a tempting paradigm. The temporaral, physical self wants its immediate needs and desires, perspectives and opinions to be satiated, fulfilled and ratified even if they destroy its eternal soul.

Real, authentic compassion always tells the truth because, however hard, the truth is always the highest, purest, most beautiful and most loving path for our eternal souls. 

My children were watching my struggle.

They began to act out, they became confused, they began to question absolute truth too. 

My physical health deteriorated. I became ill with one thing after another.

I understood something was wrong. Like the prodigal son, I began to think of My Father's house. The days when I could just run into His arms like a child. To be under the authority of The Father is also to be under His protection. I began to pray again. I stopped hiding from the Bible and the condemnation I rightly felt when reading it.

At first it was like walking through a desert. I didn’t feel the consolation and close communion I had before. I felt far away and distant. I felt unworthy. This continued for many months.

I remembered Jacob who wrestled with the angel and wouldn't let Him go till he blessed him. 

Then I came across Chelsea's testimony and Jamies and Steven Bancarz. 

I prayed for delieverance with Derek Prince sermons. I made a choice. I chose Jesus over everything else. I chose Jesus over fear, resentment, pride and self sufficency.

One night, I felt like I was on fire. I had a terrible pain in my stomach. I knew that if I just got on my phone and watched some random video or scrolled through some pretty pictures I would find some relief, some numbing for the pain. But I just stayed still in the flames and waited. And waited. 

I waited on The Lord alone. I only wanted rescue from Him. It was like a complete surrender. 

Then I saw a vision of Our Lord on a throne. It was real. The room was dark but I saw this light shining through that dark, piercing it through, His feet were like bronze and His robes shone like precious, white gold, His face was partially hidden in a cloud. I felt his hand reach down and rest on my stomach. Suddenly, all the pain I'd experienced for the last few years vanished. The fire was utterly quenched and I felt perfect peace like I've never felt before in my life. 

After this I got into the Bible like I never had before. I knew that even if I didn't understand everything in it's pages, what was nessecary for my soul would be made clear. I became more humble. I realised how, despite all my book reading, I really understood less than I did when I was a simple, illiterate child. I became a child again.  I read and prayed. I went to confession. I went to mass. I began praying novenas and rosaries. I attended The Mass of The Ages, The Tridentine Mass. 

My children were watching. They were curious, they asked questions, they joined me.

They were upset we didn't do halloween the first year, but by the time the strange noises that had been scratching at the windows and in the attic ceased, they were convinced. They began to see the deception that runs like a string of fake, twinkly lights through the culture. They deceided they wanted The True Light and the peace that it offered.

They too began to pray more. We prayed together. We went to confession together. They read their bibles and learned to love them. They found peace. We, as a family found peace.

My physical health began to improve. But most importantly, my spirtual health returned.

No more panic attacks, no more light headedness, no more strange aches and pains and debilitating tiredness. No more low level depression in Autumn and Winter. 

The three years that followed this experience have been some of the most trying in some ways. Covid came, My father passed away, my mother began needing daily care. There were diagnosis and exams.  Our best friends moved away. Yet, despite this,  I haven't ever felt more peace. Jesus says His peace is a peace that surpasses all understanding, a peace the world cannot give. This, I find to be completly true.

And so, I find myself somewhere near where I started. The place of overflowing sinks and cups. The place of grit and unfathomable Grace. The place of stillness in the surrender and peace is a person not a place.

I share this only becasue I feel led to. I share this only because perhaps someone needs these words. 

I am an introvert and it's not easy for me to open myself up but I do it as an act of obedience and love that it might touch some soul on a similar path.

This is just a chapter in a bigger story. I don't have the burden of writing my story, only of faithfully playing my own small role in it and retelling it as truthfully as I can. 

If I can do nothing more, at least I can do that.

There is no perfection this side of heaven, so don't imagine every day is easy. God never promised that we wouldn't have trials, only that He would be with us through them all, giving His Grace and strength to our surrender. 

And through Him these trials are redemptive and meaningful. A life-bestowing paradox. Gving is receiving, death is life,  the end is the begining and the stillness the dancing. 

Praying whomever reads this is enjoying a restful and restorative christmas-tide. 

With love,

Blessings to you and yours. xxx

So finally, a post, that has been a long time coming

So I'm finally sitting down to write a post that has been a long time due.
I am finally feeling strong enough to come back to this online space and share some of the huge changes we've been through in the last two years. Sometimes you need a bit of perspective to process everything and see how the bigger picture looks.



Being a young (ish) Grandmother is much like being a young mother. It has it's challenges but they are far outweighed by the rewards. As the children grow things become easier in some ways and harder in others. The children are developing their own friendships, interests and schedules and it's both scary and wonderful to watch them emerge from the cocoon of childhood into adolescence. Nola is still little but she loves to hang out with the big kids and be part of their world.

Sometimes there are Eleven people in our home including Emmy's boyfriend Alex and a dear family friend who has been staying with us since early Spring. Eleven sounds like a lot doesn't it. It is. And it would feel like a lot if everyone didn't pull their weight but generally, usually, most of the time they do.



Sometimes it's hard for Tani and I to find space as a couple as we transition from the intensity of parenting and homeschooling the little years to being the parents of mainly (almost) teenagers. We have to be intentional about creating boundaries for ourselves in the sacred, quiet of evening and make time to go on mini tea dates while errand running on weekends. Tani and I are entering a new stage as a couple. It feels like we are rediscovering each other on a different level. Now that the children are a little more independent we are able to make more time for just being with one another. One of the benefits of a full house is  there is usually  someone on hand to watch the younger ones for an hour or so.

The kids love the busyness. It's tribe like and feels very natural to live in a big group. The children always have someone to play with or talk to. There is always something interesting going on. People having in depth conversations about something they've read, idea's, philosophy, making creating, crafting, working, cleaning, cooking... Always. Something. Going. On. And most of the time it's good.

Although it can also be tricky if you are a INFP, introverted, hobbity type. Strangely, though I've come to realize that it is actually good for me to have a lot of people around me. Although I'm naturally inclined to spend a lot of time on my own it can make me to inward looking, too self critical and even melancholic.

I grew up as an only child. My parents two were only children as were my Father's parents, my grandparents on my mother's side had siblings which had died, or lived in (what was then communist East Germany.) I grew up feeling isolated. I guess I grew to get used to the quiet, perhaps even thrive on it.



It's really strange though because I actually remember being really extroverted and sociable as a little kid. I was always ready to out and about, meet people, do things. Over time I retreated further and further inside my own shell until it became normal for me to identify myself as an introvert.

I was looking at this Ted talk about personality types recently and realized that yes, although I am in the green quadrant (caring, encouraging, passive, listening) a part of me is also in the opposite quadrant (resilient, task orientated, social, expressive) It felt like a big revelation. Perhaps that is why I always feel as if I can always understand both sides of an argument. I've always been a bit of a between categories kind of person. I'm a catholic but I find so much richness in other spiritual traditions, my homeschooling is an eclectic mix of Waldorf/Charlotte Mason/Un-schooling and Classical, I am a hippy, health conscious type but my kids watch television and eat frozen pizza from time to time.

It seems that mid-life includes a whole lot of reconciling opposites and contradictions. Life becomes less black and white and far more nuanced. Things that I would have been quite orthodox about in the past seem more complex. I have less judgement of myself and others. Having ideals isn't a bad thing but when taken to extreme, as things can be in the online world, they become distorted. If trying to live up to a set of "ideals" makes you guilt ridden, stressed, judgmental of those who fall beneath them then what are they really worth even if you attain them. I will be writing a lot more about the subject of idealism and mid -life. They seems to be pretty hot topics for me at the moment.

Extremism in any form is unhealthy whether that's extreme eating ( even extreme healthy eating such as juice cleanses, fasts, raw food diets etc), beauty ideals, or setting unrealistic expectations in your home or with your children.
I'm not saying standards are wrong but taken to the extreme, anything is.



Sometimes I have to take a walk in the woods, or sit with a candle by the window, listen to some gentle music, or birdsong, or silence, pray and realign myself with my deepest core, my spirit, my God. In this place everything becomes clear and peaceful. There is no striving.

These quiet times have become more and more important over the last couple of years. My body let me know that it was time for some changes to take place by not functioning as well as it should. I totally changed my lifestyle and diet and my thyroid disorder began to go into remission. (More on that another time)

My beautiful Emmy girl finally completed her A-Levels this June ( through an unexpected pregnancy, Liver function issues, Pre-eclampsia, C, Section delivery, relationship breakdown, moving house and contracting C-dif after going into hospital with a tooth infection which she needed intravenous antibiotics for, she earned herself three A levels in Psychology, English Language and Business. Writing it all down really puts it into perspective. I am proud of her. She has come through a lot, stayed strong.

She now has a job as a marketing assistant. She also passed her driving test and has just become the youngest scout troupe leader in the county. The other day she came home from work, dressed in her smart suit and I thought to myself, wow, that is my daughter, all grown up. 

It is both wonderful and strange when the mother/child dynamics change and you communicate with your child as a peer, as an adult in their own right. It's been challenging at times. It's hard to let go and trust that your child has grown into a capable adult who can easily drive herself about, take care of her baby, find herself a job and a good man that will love her for who she is and even perhaps trek up mount Snowdon and go on adventures with her one year old in an ergo on her back. (as the pictures illustrate.)

I have much more to say and I will, no doubt, write it all out in due time.
I have two highschoolers homeschooling at the moment and hope to share more about what they are doing too!

As usual, I'm always pleased to be back in this quiet spot. In a busy home, it is nice to have a space which is just your own, even if it is virtual.

thoughts on my morning routine

 I was late to joining Facebook. I only started looking at my feed about a year or so ago. For some reason the energy I get from Facebook seems to make me feel tired and weary. I used to think it was a good way to hear about and share interesting articles, but more and more I come away from Facebook with a weary, jaded feeling. I don't like it. I can't explain it but I don't like it.

 I want to change this part of my morning routine. There is something about the morning that is sacred. The way I spend my morning colours the whole of my day.

Surely, energy emanates from our rituals, and our habits. Our rituals and habits form and in-form us. Similarly the in-formation we absorb effects us and our energy output.

"We are what we eat," in broader terms than simply nutrition. We are also the words we hear, the images we see, and the environment we live in. These things are our culture. They are the brushstrokes that create the undulations of our internal landscapes.

Tani was baptized and confirmed during the Easter Vigil Mass 7 years ago. After the Mass he told me of the incredible sense of peace that overwhelmed him for days after the event. He is an analytical person, his mind never stops. For that week he felt profound inner stillness.

But how to attain this fleeting, transitory awareness?  I cannot attest to retaining it throughout every interaction or situation. Far from it. I too easily digress into the fluctuating nature of my own emotional condition. But I have found one thing, that if I devote the beginning of my day to beauty, meditation, prayer, stillness and free thought the rest of my day is positively effected by it.

What we do grows from the energy of who we are.

After all our cells are changing all the time.

"Your body is constantly replacing old cells with new ones at the rate of millions per second. By the time you finish reading this sentence, 50 million of your cells will have died and been replaced by others. "
citation




 “Consider that you can see less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum and hear less than 1% of the acoustic spectrum. As you read this, you are traveling at 220 km/sec across the galaxy. 90% of the cells in your body carry their own microbial DNA and are not “you.” The atoms in your body are 99.9999999999999999% empty space and none of them are the ones you were born with, but they all originated in the belly of a star. Human beings have 46 chromosomes, 2 less than the common potato. The existence of the rainbow depends on the conical photo-receptors in your eyes; to animals without cones, the rainbow does not exist. So you don’t just look at a rainbow, you create it. This is pretty amazing, especially considering that all the beautiful colors you see represent less than 1% of the electromagnetic spectrum.” Sergio Toporek
 

{Soulfood Friday}

This week I have felt a little more awake and clear headed than I have for a while. I think I've been slightly depressed without even realizing it. Maybe those vitamin D tablets are finally kicking in! Or maybe it's the brighter, crisper, longer days. And sunlight, finally, sunlight! I am beginning to feel stronger and can do more than I have been able to for some time. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog and hoping that my body, mind and soul are finally overcoming the health problems of last year. 

It has been hard to blog, write and do my art and craft work over the last year or so. My energy reserves have been precious, fragile and used on the most important work of making meals, hugging kids, keeping some semblance of order, resting, you know simple things. 

I saw this quote on fb the other day and it spoke to me. Sometimes you have to readjust your focus and re calibrate your value systems to what matters most.

Yet it has been frustrating at times. I have so many ideas for my work and writing projects simmering like  good, broth concentrating, concentrating down, ready to be served up. 

I think there is something about reaching your mid thirties. You feel the culmination of years within you. Then you get a little shocked by how quickly they've passed! 

Perhaps you begin to wonder once again, what your real purpose for being here is.

I feel good about the choices I've made so far. There were times when I wondered whether the choices we made seemed rational under the circumstances. Our choices were certainly questioned by others at times. But when I look honestly at the premise behind the choices we made I see love.  I feel strong.

The choices we made were motivated by heart and soul. When we chose to have the children close together, to home school and for me to stay home without many resources at the time, it didn't feel all that logical, but it did feel deeply right. 

Plenty seem to believe poor people shouldn't have children. Yet during those leaner times God provided for us beyond that which money can buy. It wasn't easy, there were no singing choirs of angels but we grew, we learned about our strengths, we were confronted with our weaknesses, we were humbled and we learned about real joy.

In the last few years we have finally found that material form of security too. A beautiful place to live. A friendly community. A feeling of hope and possibility. 

It is hard not to become attached to the material stuff. Or feel guilty for it! It is hard to keep making choices from the heart and the soul instead of fear. 

Looking back I see that my health issues really started when Tani was made redundant. He has now found a wonderful job, but those times were a test for sure. I have never felt like a materialistic person, but I was profoundly scared of losing that which we had only just found; stability. 

It has been a process of accepting the transitory and ephemeral nature of existence. The constant letting go. The ebb and flow of life and all it's transmutations. Every change has a piece of loss in it. There is no real security. Every moment is a gift. We can't expect to be able to control every aspect of our lives. The unexpected will happen. 

When it does I hope I'll have my real home built on a rock, not on sand. 

I think what I'm trying to say is the only building that lasts, is founded in the heart or the soul. It is forged from the stone of our experiences and the choices we make. It is those little, everyday interactions and memories. It is the moments we put down the phone and stare our the window at the trees and the sunlight. It is internal. Whatever happens we can find an indwelling, a harbour, an abode within that place. 

"Jesus, Son of Mary (on whom be peace) said: The World is a Bridge, pass over it, but build no houses upon it. He who hopes for a day, may hope for eternity; but the World endures but an hour. Spend it in prayer, for the rest is unseen."

 A quote carved in kufic script all the way around the arch of Fatehpur Sikrithe the ruined Mughal capital built by the Muslim emperor Akbar just outside Agra at the end of the 16th century. 

Wishing everyone a peaceful and sacred Easter weekend in whichever way you celebrate it! xx

Some pictures from our walk yesterday.

Every Friday I'll be pausing to notice something from the week that has nourished my soul. 
* 
A special, sacred-everyday moment captured on camera, or perhaps a snippet from a book, a recipe still warm from the kitchen or something whimsical that simply made me smile.
 * 
Here are a few simple things that have fed my soul this week. 

What has inspired/fed/nourished your soul this week friends? 

 
*
 Feel free to link up to your own soulful spaces either at the bottom of this post or in the comments.

 
   

    An InLinkz Link-up

   

{Yarn Along}

 I am still working on Matilda's Pickles Vest. I'm a little less inspired third time around, not because I don't like the pattern, I love it, it's just that novelty motivates me when it comes to knitting and I'm ready to get my hands on some interesting textures and colourways after metres and metres of what is a very pretty but rather monotonous beige/lavender aran.

I have been enjoying "Listening Below the Noise" by Anne D. Le Clare. It was gifted to me by a very kind and thoughtful friend and I have already copied down many a quote from it's pages.

"Just as a blade can pare fruit, sculpt wood or inflict injury, or a key can set free or imprison, in hundreds of tongues around the world, words are being employed both to hurt and to heal. To cause both peace and chaos. To connect and to isolate. To praise and to condemn. Create harmony and discord. Honor and abase. To mask truth and to tell it. To align and to alienate neighbors and nations.
Again I consider, how do I use my allotment? How mindful am I of my intent? How responsible am I to my speech? How long will the effects of my carelessly spoken words linger? In silence, I sit and contemplate."

 

"There is a book called The Hidden Messages of Water by the Japanese scientist Dr. Masuru Emoto. When Dr. Emoto began experimenting with photographing crystals, he found that when the water he used for the experiments was exposed to words like "love" and "gratitude" and "wisdom," it formed stunningly beautiful crystals. But when it was subjected to words like "hate" and "You're ugly," the crystals became dark, malformed and fragmented.
Earlier this morning, as I stared at the photographs Dr. Emoto took - visual evidence of the power of language - I wondered this: If the vibrations of words can affect water so dramatically, what do they do to us? We who are comprised of more than 70% water."



" Our emotions and feelings have an effect on the world moment by moment," Dr. Emoto writes. "If you send out words and images of creativity, then you will be contributing to the creation of a beautiful world. However, emitting messages of destruction, you contribute to the destruction of the universe."

Anne D. LeClare  "Listening Below the Noise - The Transformative Power of Silence"

sharing with Small Things and Frontier Dreams

Mooring

The night I drove Emmy back to town, the moon loomed larger and redder than I've ever seen it.
She and her boyfriend Matthew are slowly but surely furnishing what was a small, empty attic room into cosy nursery. Tiny clothes are being carefully folded into drawers, her hand painted pictures cheer the walls and blankets both old and new drape the chairs.

Life moves, seasons change and we become more pliable, mutable and softer with their teaching.
Lines that were once etched in stone have been scribbled over with crayon and small mossy plants have started to take root in the cracks.

The next morning the sunlight is thin as whey.
The gangly hedgerow grasses fray.
The signs of their fading gleam gloriously in the wash.
The sky is a crisp, new canvas, poised and ready as a bird on the brink of flight.
And I have no profound words or deep insights to write, or camera at hand to capture the moment.
Just the gossamer fabric of silence which evaporates on touch.

The days are quiet. Just Boo and I.
With no fixed plans, we fill them with that which feels right and good.
I thought I'd fill these extra hours to their brim. Utilise, might be a better word.
I thought I'd utilise them, make them work for their keep and pay their rent. In other words, squeeze their freshness to dregs.  But isn't that what time is for, to be used efficiently and productively?
After all isn't this what I've always dreamt of; time in which to do the things I never get time for?
Modern life can feel a little as if you are in a boat with a leak that you constantly have to keep pailing out.
Money is a constant need as it is for everyone.
Yet keeping the water out through constant work and busyness can sometimes only mean another way of drowning.

Since my illness, I've not had the same quantities of energy that I had before. I've begun to re-evaluate the way my time is spent, literally.

Not every stillness is in want of movement. Not every silence needs to be filled with sound.

Pacing the day means that I can mindfully prepare meals and take care of the home, garden and animals without distraction or discord.
It means I can more readily carve out a peaceful and open space in which to gently welcome often tired and sometimes fractious children home from school.

I am working even if there's not too much to show for it.

In a product driven world, process, which is often hard to define, weigh and measure, can be easily rushed through, forgotten about or removed from the picture altogether.
Work which can't be compensated for in pounds and pence becomes devalued.
This doesn't mean however, that it is valueless work; an important distinction.

This afternoon we pruned the lavender bushes taking care not to break the delicate lacework of the spiders.
We preserved some more elderberries, read passages from books that we were reading in the garden and made each-other laugh.
I knitted some rows of Matilda's sweater and phoned my Dad.
I'm now going to leave early so I don't have to race down the country lanes as I pick up the girls from school.

When I feel the world biting at my heels I will go to my secret place. The one I have furnished with time spent and attention given. And I will trust as Lady Julian of Norwich said.
“All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”

 "Don't spend your energies on things that generate worry, anxiety and anguish. Only one thing is necessary: Lift up your spirit and love God."

 Padre Pio

 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33


"The Mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
Lao Tzu



Joining Tuesday Afternoon at Spirit of Simplicity
 Little Things Thursday
nature notes
Through my lens

In-between times

I'm sitting here in the silence of early morning. The trees are rustling in the stark light. Our resident pigeons are cooing in the garden.

My heart is at peace.

I am so grateful to be here. I am so thankful for these, trees, this space, the quiet, the birdsong.

Last October Tani was made redundant from the job he had loved for 7 years. 

I couldn't talk about it at the time. I'm one who must process before I can reflect.

I guess it's been almost a year of processing now.

We had only moved house a few months before this happened. (The first home of our own) 

We nearly lost our home when I was a growing up. I've also been homeless twice as a young adult so my attachment to the concept of home, safety and security is pretty intense.

I've had to confront, examine and begin to let go of my fears surrounding the loss of this home.

When we were renting, things were different. I never felt the same attachment to place, community, or bricks and mortar. 

I felt like whatever happened next would be an adventure. It was like mentally living in a boat. We were meant to drift from harbour to harbour. And it was okay because there was no deep attachment. I hadn't allowed myself to put down an anchor.

Since moving here I feel like I'm really home for the first time. 

The two eldest girls have their own rooms at last. The two middle ones have a much bigger room with space for both their things while Nola still co sleeps with us, but that's all good.

Redundancy jolted the foundations. 

During those weeks of in-between, I had to fully allow myself to inhabit four precepts that always seem to come into stark focus during any life changing circumstance. 

Nothing in life is secure, nothing in life is permanent, all is changing, all is gift. 

Life is fragile, transitory and infinitely precious.

How simple, true and hard that is to bear.

Tani's job was a blessing for us in many ways. He worked in town so the commute was next to nothing. The company he worked for had great ethics and was also very flexible and accommodating to the needs of a growing family. There was a lot of support and he had made many strong friendships there.

When his department was outsourced it was incredibly hard to say goodbye and move on.

Tani found another job in a relatively short time. I realise what a blessing that was.

We are truly thankful (even for the long commute), especially in the current climate of job scarcity.

Yet, strangely, it was really special having him at home for that time. It was the first time in years that we had spent so much time together.  

When when our fingers interlaced in solidarity of feeling, knowing we were in this together and we would find a way it took me back 15 years to the early weeks, months and years.

 

Everyday day life can put us in remote mode. 

We do what we must do, often without thinking or really engaging, and then life shakes you up and everything clarifies.

This year we've had a fair few shakes.

Tani's job, my health, returning to mainstream schooling after 7 years of homeschooling, Emmy moving to her own place this September when she starts college full time...

Yet, after life's shake ups the sediments fall to the bottom and only the essential remains.

Like the first light of morning, stark and true  you suddenly understand what matters most to you and why.

"The day is ending. Now the princess must go home. The star folk come to light her way through the trees."

Joining  "A Field of Wildflowers."
& A Spirit of Simplicity