The Real Influencers

 

I just want to say, never underestimate the effect your online presence has on others.

I was thinking about years ago when I first discovered blogging. I’d always liked to write and to share my thoughts on the internet seemed daunting. But, I was very lonely. I’d just moved to a new town and I didn’t know anyone. We were living in a bad area. Family was distant and I had three, soon to be four, then five little ones. I had only just embraced my faith in Jesus and I felt very alone in my journey as a Christian and a mother. The internet seemed to unlock a world to me. 

Then I found a group of women bloggers who were mothers and Christians. They posted about ordinary things, the things I was going through, mundane things, hard things, beautiful things. Their faith shone through their words, giving them strength. This overflowed off the page ( screen) and into my own ordinary world transfiguring it and showing me the profound meaning in it.

I was blessed by these women more than I can say. They inspired me, encouraged me, edified me, convicted me.

My children were blessed as my own journey of motherhood was blessed. I will always hold a special place in my heart for those women.

I dearly miss those humble, earthy, homely and homespun blogs although I find similar beautiful souls on Instagram, even if it is a little more fast paced.

A few years ago, I heard that one of these women passed away. I literally went into my bedroom and wept. I had never met or spoken to this sweet, Godly woman, but my children’s childhoods would not have been the same without her generous wisdom and quiet, strong faith. That is because she guided me, as a woman and a mother into the sacredness of my vocation and role. 

We are all influencers in our way. The effects of our lives will only be fully realised in eternity.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 

-Titus 2:3-5

( I just want to thank those who have commented recently. My laptop is not working properly and I’ve just changed my phone and for some reason my replies to your comments aren’t appearing in the blog. I’m really sorry. I think it will work better through my laptop once it’s fixed. I appreciate your kind comments so much) 

Afternoon Quiet

 ‘In spite of all the making and mending and all the work that had to be done, with no labour saving devices whatsoever, not even and electric kettle, life was not pressurised in Ashcott, or at any rate in our own home. 

Looking back, I see how almost all the teaching our parents have us was by example rather than in words. It stood us in good stead in later years. One thing Mother always did, and which most of the other housewives didn’t do, as far as we knew, was that once the washing up was done after the midday meal, she would have her own daily wash ( we always washed in the kitchen), take off her morning, working frock, put on a pretty one, and then settle down with her book for the afternoon. Whenever there was any sunshine she’d sit in the sheltered, sun-trap courtyard at the back of the house. She loved the sun. In winter she would sit by the fire. She didn’t get on with her sewing or bending - this she did in the evenings; there were always lots of socks to be darned and other garments to mend. The afternoon was for relaxing and she sat reading, maybe keeping an eye on the youngest child at the same time, but otherwise just sitting there quietly. 

I think this had a quite specific effect on us all. Father would usually be sitting down at that time too, but he never sat in the sun. He’d sit indoors even in beautiful weather. His outdoor time was when he was gardening, or walking. 

All this gave a tranquility to the home, and a great sense of peace and contentment. As we grew older and spent less time in active play, we too would settle down with our books ( I often had my knitting at the same time) and read, or think the long, long thoughts of youth.

- Countryside and Cloister - Reminiscences of a Carmelite Nun - Marie T Litchfield

The best mothering advice I ever read

Live slowly and simply, so that you have the time and space to love deeply and well. Hold your children close, as often as possible. Look deeply into their eyes, speak words of life, love and acceptance, into,  and over them."

Jewels (Eyes of Wonder) ~


I will never forget Jewels and her beautiful, spirit led words and photography. She was such a gift to us who remember her.

On Pride and Discouragment

{Firstly, I'd just like to apologise for not responding to comments. I've tried but for some reason, they've not shown up. I just want to thank those who've taken the time to leave comments. I'll try to figure the problem out in my settings as soon as I can.}

Recently, I’ve been reading a wonderful book called The Little Way of Trust By Fr. Jacques Philippe. One sentence really stood out for me today. Discouragement is pride disguised.
A few years ago I was feeling really discouraged in my homeschool/parenting/faith journey.
My eldest daughter seemed to have drifted away from the church that was once such a big part of her life, my middle girls were getting their first flush of hormones, my elderly parents began needing more care and it didn’t seem like I had enough time with my youngest daughter.
I felt like I was failing in so many ways.  Interiorly, I felt weary and burdened. I felt like I’d lost the spark and joy of life.

Derek Prince said that a dominating spirit is not a spirit of God but a spirit of the enemy.
Often we feel weary because our ‘vision’ our idea of perfection or how things should be isn’t made manifest.
We want to control or dominate all forces to bring about our idea of what life should look like or be.
For me, I wanted to mitigate all suffering, sadness, trials, struggles and pain for my children.
It seems like a perfectly natural desire, but it was driving me to live in constant fear. To wrap them in  a bubble can't protect, only stifle.
To realise that I can’t save my children, I can’t even save myself.  To understand that some disapointments and suffering are essential for the formation of the soul was the key to unlocking that prison of fear.
It allowed me to put down my burden at His feet.
Only God can save us and we have to be willing to trust Him alone with the process.

Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar
and wait for your fire - Psalm 5:3

Sometimes we feel weary because we are carrying burdens that we were never meant to carry.
Every choice is a decision  about which burden to lift up and which burden to put down.

I must ask myself, who am I serving when picking up my burden? Am I serving my own vision or God’s?

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11

The opposite of pride is humility.
Humility is knowing I can’t do anything profitable without God’s Grace.
Humility gives me the freedom to surrender all to Him because I just can't do it on my own.
Humility is yielding ( the future, the past, the present, every loss, every victory, every sorrow, every grief and every joy) to God.

Humility is knowing I can do nothing of value unless I’m grafted to the vine. - John 15

Humility is knowing I can build nothing that will stand against the storms of life unless I let the master architect build it. - Psalm 127

Humility is resting in the mystery. It's knowing God's ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are above my thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-9

The funny thing is that during that time of discouragement everything, externally seemed to be optimised for joy and peace. We had just moved from a cramped council house to a lovely, new home. We were finally in a stable place financially. Everything seemed like it should have been better than ever. Yet I fretted over losing our newly aquired 'security' and these beautiful new things felt more like a prison to protect than a freedom to enjoy.
I tried to take control over everything and in so doing I dropped the very thing that mattered most, my trust in the one who had provided all that was truly good and beautiful in my life.

God is gracious, faithful and good. He is our Father and He waits for us and leads us so patiently.

Once I had come to the end of myself trying to juggle all the balls and tie up all the loose ends, make everything "right" God came to find me.
I went through some health issues which meant I really couldn't do all the things anymore. My pride took a hit. It was painful. It was a mercy.

Whenever I find myself discouraged now I ask myself which burden's I'm trying to carry that I was never meant to carry. Then I ask Him to take them. I lean into Him. I find my rest in taking His yoke rather than my own. Sometimes, this means, giving some things up. Sometimes it means saying no to some things so I can say yes to more important things.

The more I've trusted in Him, the more I've seen things work out for His purposes.
God's vision and plans are always better than our own.
They don't always mean there will be no struggles. Often it means choosing the struggle rather than the easy way. But when He is with us in the struggle we also receive the grace to accept it and grow through it in ways we’d never possibly imagined we could.

So, my eldest daughter has kept her faith. She is an amazing mother. She is an encourager and an adventurer.
My middle's are now in the midst of teenhood. There are still big emotions to navigate but they are growing in their faith and the growing pains of growing up are bonding them in their sisterhood.
God has renewed and restored my relationship with my parents in and through everything we've been through.
There are still ups and downs, but I see the grace that abounds in both. And that brings peace beyond all circumstances. A peace beyond understanding. A peace the world cannot give.
-Phillipians 4:7
- John 4:27

So, don't be discouraged. We are enough when we are in Him.

Super Mom versus Abiding Mom

Super Mom	Abiding Mom
Does	Is (Psalm 46:10)
Tries to impress others	Pleases the Lord (Eph. 5:10, Proverbs 29:25)
Is controlled by an agenda (curriculum, schedule, etc)	Is controlled by the Holy Spirit: (Gal. 5:22-26) (Uses curriculum & schedules as tools for orderliness so she's more free to follow the spirit)
Her self worth is found in her accomplishments (clean house, perfect kids, the perfect bulletin boards, etc.)	Her self worth is found in an accurate view of who she is in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:10)
Her peace is found in the “perfect” environment	Her peace is found in Jesus in the midst of any storm (Is 26:3)
She is discouraged by failure	Failure reminds her that God's strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
She expects perfection from herself and others	She practices grace with herself and others (Eph 4:32)
She teaches her kids to be good	She teaches her kids to be Godly (Proverbs 22:6)
She is frustrated with her lack of spiritual fruit	She abides in Christ and bears much fruit (John 15:5)
She does things with her children	She builds a relationship with her children (Deut 6:6-7)
Her perspective is based on what is seen	Her perspective is based on what is unseen (Col 3:2)
She chooses quantity of activities	She chooses the most excellent Way (I Cor 13)

Thank you An An Abiding Mom!

Click here for a printable version!

Notes to a tired Mama

• However perfect someones life looks there will be struggle, there will be conflict, there will also be moments of transcendent joy and these will be the most photographed and shared on Instagram but they are only part of the story.
• Life is full of seasons, "This too shall pass."
• Rest. Do what you need to do to restore your soul.
• Ask for help, take it. Allow someone the joy of giving. One day you can pay it forward to another tired Mama.
• Don't make ideals your idols. You won't always live up to your ideals or realise the goals you set for yourself. This is what makes you beautiful and human. Being imperfect is a blessing that stops you turning into a know it all and who wants to be that?
• Cut down on extra curricula activities, simplify, get rid of stuff you don't or won't ever use, books, clothes. Minimize. Clarify.
• Every family, situation and child is different. Do what works best for yours not someone elses.
• Give yourself the same grace that you would want your own child to give themselves.
• Do what you need to do to be strong and healthy in mind, body and soul.
• You are beautiful. You are enough. 

 

The Last Time {post it notes to self}

Every. single. moment. is. infinitely. precious.

Just had one crazy week of kids up all through the night with one of these horrid viruses going around and vast swathes of laundry piled high in my room and dishes to do and late night out of hours doctor visits and then I read this poem.

It really does go by that fast.

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them

and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

-Author Unknown-

 

Nola's "forest sandwiches"

The Middle Years

I've just dropped the girls off at a drama workshop in town. 

They skipped down the road, greeting friends. Happy chatter, and dance steps all the way.

Now I'm home, Vanilla Chai steeping on my desk and dog curled up on my bed. 

Morning debris litters the floors and surfaces; odd socks, bits of felt and lavender from a sewing project, toast crumbs, felt tip pens, crayons and half read books.

I should be tidying instead of writing but I've got my priorities straight.

When the children were tiny, people used to tell me to treasure every moment as before I knew it they would be all grown up and independent.

I did treasure their little years. 

Through the fog of sleep deprivation and squirming bodies pushing me off the edge of the bed I found a truer, humbler, simpler me. 

People often say you loose yourself when you become a mother but I think that perhaps you find a deeper, truer self. A part of you that is not reliant on a certain fashion or hairstyle or external thing to define or realize it. 

I remember those stark, bright and luminous mornings staring into the eyes of a sweet smelling, milk filled baby wondering whether this might be the most precious moment of my life. 

I remember those magical afternoons throwing bread to ducks and sticks under the bridge and digging up mud pies in the back garden.

For some reason I always assumed life would get less complicated as they grew older. 

And life is far less emotionally and physically intense. The sense of anxiety and vulnerability is not as strong. Even if worries only change rather than disappear. 

When they were small I lived from moment to moment. Hopping from pebble to pebble across the stream of days. 

Breakfast, Laundry, Play, Lunch. Rest, Walk, Teatime, Bath and Bed.

Embracing the moment fully allowed me to find peace and center. 

Living in the fullness of the moment stopped me from seeking distraction or diversion that would inevitably be frustrated by a daily round of  routines on repeat.

These days I'm far more in the inane, chattering, part of my head. It is akin to trying not to loose your footing whilst paddling in fast, flowing shallow streams rather than having to hold your breath while diving into endlessly, deep oceans.

It's not always a good fit for my personality.

I'm an introverted type that likes to dance to a gentle, simple, familiar rhythm. 

The hustle, bustle and general randomness of raising a gaggle of kids approaching teen-dom is at times, a little overwhelming.

When they were tiny, we would gather around the table to do an activity. Huddled like duckings, we'd complete our daily tasks and although I was the only one who could competently clean up afterwards there was, usually only one mess to clean up at a time.

Saying all this it is truly a wonder to watch the girls develop their own art, craft, baking projects over the holidays even if it has also involved a LOT of simultaneous mess making.

While one gets out ingredients in the kitchen another will be making handmade cards using every last item from our arts and crafts stash.

And another still, will be sewing homemade lavender bags upstairs or practicing dance routines at full volume in front of the mirror.

This is wonderful for Nola. Older siblings provide a wonderland of entertainment for a four year old. She is exposed to so many different ideas and resources. 

She soaks it all up like a sponge and more often than not comes up with her very own variations on themes.

I love the sparks of creativity that explode around the house.

I love the energy, the evolving dynamics and the long, debates and conversations about  obscure and fleeting obsessions. 

I love the way they still snuggle in my lap to watch "The Great British Bake Off" yet can easily make their own cheese sandwiches and cups of tea.

Now that Emmy is moving into her own apartment, working and going to college I realize how very precious each Summer is.

All the crumbs, clothes and toppling book stacks are really just the signs of a life well lived.



Sharing with Little Things Thursday

Some interesting reads from around the web this week.

 

Some interesting links I've happily stumbled upon this week.

I am in the process of building a pinterest board of inspiring women for my girls.

"Now I Become Myself" So happy Tonia is writing again.

How Wolves change rivers: A beautiful and moving short film illustrating the unique importance of primary predators such as wolves in the health of eco-systems.

Teaching Kids when to Break the law at Rebel Parents. Food for thought.

Post Natal Depletion even ten years later: Mama Care.

Doesn't this school look wonderful? Learning in the woods with Mighty Oaks.

Happy news! Hobbit house family save their beautiful, handmade abode from the bulldozers.

Who's Gonna Stand Up: The Woman who Married a Bear.

A beautiful and moving talk from Bioneers, Robin Kimmerer:

"The Teachings of Grass"

The Importance of Rest

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time”

 John Lubbock 

 Mulch and Motherhood

Last week we finally racked Autumn's mulchy brown leaves from the grass to the flower beds and veggie patch.

 I think Motherhood is the mulchy leaf stage of life. Life, post birth and life with little ones is like a season of hibernation. We form nests for our young from the moss, feather and fern of ourselves. And in order to form the warmest nest we re-connect with our inner life; our childhood, our deepest truth, our limitations and our courage.

It can be hard to embrace the falling leaf of slow motion living. We have all learnt to wrestle with the restless charge to do, do, do. And although life with little ones is not always restful it embraces the inner life.

It doesn't always "look" pretty or impressive, but things are happening at an integral level.

Ground is being overturned, hard edged stones are being removed and seeds are being scattered.

 

The most beautiful Spring blossoms grow from compost.

Growth happens in the deepest places. 

Secretly.

In places of rest, and renewal we can re-birth.

Like bulbs beneath Winter's womb.

That emerge, tender and green from Spring's sunlit thaw. 

Nature knows the importance of rest. She is a great teacher.

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.”

— Albert Einstein

 

 

 

 

Honouring our bodies need for rest is so essential.

If we want to accomplish things with the full presence of our minds, bodies, spirits and hearts we must be fully rested.

Fields that have been left fallow for a season always yield a greater harvest the coming year.

The  time we take to rest and nourish our inner lives reflects upon our outer lives.

 

Rest clarifies that which was foggy, hones our focus to a sharp point and brightens our perspective.

Instead of becoming frustrated with small details we are able to see the full panorama; the big picture.

Yet there is this inherent guilt in me that I must keep constantly preoccupied with something "useful".

I must be mindful to remember the false economy of that.

 We are still in the process of  un-learning our conditioned ideas about what is important.

 

We want to grow in awareness. 

And then live from that state of conscious awareness.

Life is so short.

What do we want to spend our "one wild and precious" life learning, being and doing?

We are not here to simply cram facts into our brains and pass tests.

So that we can trade the better part of our lives doing a job that neither nourishes us or our world.

We are not here to simply earn money, consume and expire.

 

We are not robots, statistics or numbers.

We are Human Beings each born with unique gifts, a vision, a purpose and a journey to embark on.