Motherhood Stages - Screen Fasts and A New Shop

Hi lovely friends. I hope all is well with you.

It’s been a while since I wrote here. A lot has been going on for us. Having older teenage children and a sweet grandchild means lots of driving around. We live in the countryside, which is lovely, but it’s a long way from town and as there is only one daily bus out to town, the girls rely on Tani and I for lifts to their various activities.

 I love having teenagers. There have certainly been moments of intensity and emotionally stressful moments to navigate but watching the girls grow into young women is an incredible journey I feel honoured to be on. 

I’m not going to lie. I often look back through the baby albums and even early blog posts through tears. Sometimes, the grief of knowing that for health reasons  I’m unlikely to have another baby of my own is overwhelming. The time seems to have literally flowed through my fingers. I can’t believe my children are almost grown. And all but two of them are now taller than me! Surely that shouldn’t be! 

I miss little ones snuggling and story times and even waking during the quiet of the night to gaze at the wonder of my own newborn baby. But there is a season for everything. And every season has its hardships and joys, it’s lessons and it’s dreams. 

I went on a screen fast during lent this past year. I just needed time alone to process, to pray and to heal.

This past year has been difficult. I’ve had health problems and my Daddy passed away in September after being ill for several months. My lovely Mama is very frail now and needs a lot of care. 

I thought I would struggle with my screen fast. I’ve done screen fasts before snd struggled but by God’s Grace, this time, I found it pretty easy.

I was able to rest and process, read and pray. I went to visit the blessed sacrament and let tears fall.

Then God put it in my heart to write a story. Every day pen in hand is sit and write and the words just flowed out. Those words became a book.

Then the inspiration for landscape shawls came to me inspired by paintings I’d been working on quietly in the summer house after my Father passed. I began to knit and paint and all this creativity that had been pent up inside came out of me. It was so healing. I could almost here my Daddy say ‘ go on you paint Suze.’ He bought me my first set of oil paints when I was 13. I remember that drizzly, cosy Autumn day looking through antique shops, the smell of incense from the little art gallery like it was yesterday.  I also remember when he took me to Monet’s water Lily garden in France because I lived Monet, like he did. Seeing those water lilies glimmer under the bridge I knew so well from my Father’s books was one of the most magical experiences.

I like to think of my paintings as impressionist watercolour landscapes.

So, I have opened a shop which you can find here:

https://www.etsy.com/plainpearlart

I am working on a website. 

I also have a shop Instagram which you can find here: 

http://Instagram.com/plainpearlart

I’ve started a shop YouTube channel:

https://youtube.com/user/sailingbystarlight

I know I haven’t been posting here much. I am planning on posting weekly again.

I do post regularly at my Faith blog here: 

http://onthewaytothegarden.blogspot.com

And I occasionally upload at This YouTube channel too:

https://youtube.com/channel/UC1AHlOUK3lHHHVB4DhV22DQ

Sending lots of love to all who read this blog.I pray you have a beautiful day.

So finally, a post, that has been a long time coming

So I'm finally sitting down to write a post that has been a long time due.
I am finally feeling strong enough to come back to this online space and share some of the huge changes we've been through in the last two years. Sometimes you need a bit of perspective to process everything and see how the bigger picture looks.



Being a young (ish) Grandmother is much like being a young mother. It has it's challenges but they are far outweighed by the rewards. As the children grow things become easier in some ways and harder in others. The children are developing their own friendships, interests and schedules and it's both scary and wonderful to watch them emerge from the cocoon of childhood into adolescence. Nola is still little but she loves to hang out with the big kids and be part of their world.

Sometimes there are Eleven people in our home including Emmy's boyfriend Alex and a dear family friend who has been staying with us since early Spring. Eleven sounds like a lot doesn't it. It is. And it would feel like a lot if everyone didn't pull their weight but generally, usually, most of the time they do.



Sometimes it's hard for Tani and I to find space as a couple as we transition from the intensity of parenting and homeschooling the little years to being the parents of mainly (almost) teenagers. We have to be intentional about creating boundaries for ourselves in the sacred, quiet of evening and make time to go on mini tea dates while errand running on weekends. Tani and I are entering a new stage as a couple. It feels like we are rediscovering each other on a different level. Now that the children are a little more independent we are able to make more time for just being with one another. One of the benefits of a full house is  there is usually  someone on hand to watch the younger ones for an hour or so.

The kids love the busyness. It's tribe like and feels very natural to live in a big group. The children always have someone to play with or talk to. There is always something interesting going on. People having in depth conversations about something they've read, idea's, philosophy, making creating, crafting, working, cleaning, cooking... Always. Something. Going. On. And most of the time it's good.

Although it can also be tricky if you are a INFP, introverted, hobbity type. Strangely, though I've come to realize that it is actually good for me to have a lot of people around me. Although I'm naturally inclined to spend a lot of time on my own it can make me to inward looking, too self critical and even melancholic.

I grew up as an only child. My parents two were only children as were my Father's parents, my grandparents on my mother's side had siblings which had died, or lived in (what was then communist East Germany.) I grew up feeling isolated. I guess I grew to get used to the quiet, perhaps even thrive on it.



It's really strange though because I actually remember being really extroverted and sociable as a little kid. I was always ready to out and about, meet people, do things. Over time I retreated further and further inside my own shell until it became normal for me to identify myself as an introvert.

I was looking at this Ted talk about personality types recently and realized that yes, although I am in the green quadrant (caring, encouraging, passive, listening) a part of me is also in the opposite quadrant (resilient, task orientated, social, expressive) It felt like a big revelation. Perhaps that is why I always feel as if I can always understand both sides of an argument. I've always been a bit of a between categories kind of person. I'm a catholic but I find so much richness in other spiritual traditions, my homeschooling is an eclectic mix of Waldorf/Charlotte Mason/Un-schooling and Classical, I am a hippy, health conscious type but my kids watch television and eat frozen pizza from time to time.

It seems that mid-life includes a whole lot of reconciling opposites and contradictions. Life becomes less black and white and far more nuanced. Things that I would have been quite orthodox about in the past seem more complex. I have less judgement of myself and others. Having ideals isn't a bad thing but when taken to extreme, as things can be in the online world, they become distorted. If trying to live up to a set of "ideals" makes you guilt ridden, stressed, judgmental of those who fall beneath them then what are they really worth even if you attain them. I will be writing a lot more about the subject of idealism and mid -life. They seems to be pretty hot topics for me at the moment.

Extremism in any form is unhealthy whether that's extreme eating ( even extreme healthy eating such as juice cleanses, fasts, raw food diets etc), beauty ideals, or setting unrealistic expectations in your home or with your children.
I'm not saying standards are wrong but taken to the extreme, anything is.



Sometimes I have to take a walk in the woods, or sit with a candle by the window, listen to some gentle music, or birdsong, or silence, pray and realign myself with my deepest core, my spirit, my God. In this place everything becomes clear and peaceful. There is no striving.

These quiet times have become more and more important over the last couple of years. My body let me know that it was time for some changes to take place by not functioning as well as it should. I totally changed my lifestyle and diet and my thyroid disorder began to go into remission. (More on that another time)

My beautiful Emmy girl finally completed her A-Levels this June ( through an unexpected pregnancy, Liver function issues, Pre-eclampsia, C, Section delivery, relationship breakdown, moving house and contracting C-dif after going into hospital with a tooth infection which she needed intravenous antibiotics for, she earned herself three A levels in Psychology, English Language and Business. Writing it all down really puts it into perspective. I am proud of her. She has come through a lot, stayed strong.

She now has a job as a marketing assistant. She also passed her driving test and has just become the youngest scout troupe leader in the county. The other day she came home from work, dressed in her smart suit and I thought to myself, wow, that is my daughter, all grown up. 

It is both wonderful and strange when the mother/child dynamics change and you communicate with your child as a peer, as an adult in their own right. It's been challenging at times. It's hard to let go and trust that your child has grown into a capable adult who can easily drive herself about, take care of her baby, find herself a job and a good man that will love her for who she is and even perhaps trek up mount Snowdon and go on adventures with her one year old in an ergo on her back. (as the pictures illustrate.)

I have much more to say and I will, no doubt, write it all out in due time.
I have two highschoolers homeschooling at the moment and hope to share more about what they are doing too!

As usual, I'm always pleased to be back in this quiet spot. In a busy home, it is nice to have a space which is just your own, even if it is virtual.

The Riots.... Why did this happen?

"A riot is the language of the unheard." Martin Luther King Jr.

After watching young voters question time this evening I just felt compelled to share my thoughts on the rioting that has taken place over many cities across the UK....

There are many avenues for blame, Parents, Schools, the Government... are but a few that have been mentioned on the news and in the papers.

Essentially above and beyond maybe any of these, may be the widening division between the social, economic and cultural facets of our communities.

Community is fragmenting.

Young people are being given no sense of belonging. No sense of future security.

Without a role in society, one that is valued, there can be no strong sense of allegiance or responsibility to that society. There is no stake. Nothing to lose. Without solid foundations of future security the transitory moment takes precedence. Long term goals are traded for short term gains.

There is certainly a growing sense of dis-empowerment and disenfranchisement in poorer communities over recent years.
The biggest voice many vulnerable young people have is as targets of amusement and bemusement on reality television shows.

Equally relevant is the clear discrepancy between how corporations, banks and politicians are treated for their crimes in comparison to the way young people from deprived backgrounds are treated. This disproportional "justice" only adds to the general feeling of disillusionment young people already have with institutions from banks to churches, to schools, to governments.

Spending on youth services, family services and children's services has been slashed since the conservative government came into power. These cuts obviously effect the poorest members of our society the most. Once again the most vulnerable are made accountable for the crimes of the powerful and elite. In lowering benefits, shortening council house tenancies, raising tuition fees... Poorer families have to extend themselves so much further just to tick the basics off the list.
We live in a rented council house and receive tax credits and although we are no way among the poorest of families I can't imagine that any of my girls will go to a traditional university. It saddens me to say this but the fees are just too high and not something we can afford. To start their lives off with huge amounts of debt is not a prospect I relish for them either, in fact it is one I hope, wholeheartedly they avoid.

But what I find most contention with is the blaming of parents.

We live in a pressure cooker of a society.... When is someone going to actually admit this!

When a young mother has to have 3 jobs to simply survive there is something going deeply wrong somewhere.
When people are mired in a lifetime of debt, simply to have the luxury of a roof over their head something is going deeply wrong somewhere.
When a family cannot raise itself without both parents working all hours so they don't even have enough time to connect with one another something is going deeply wrong somewhere.

Parents from a deprived background can't afford all the activities, resources and experiences that the wealthy can. These days with the economic pressures the struggle to find our children a place, a role, a sense of value and a reasonably comfortable seat in the assembly is running at a premium. The increasing "ghettoising" of schools and the catchment area lotteries are just one example of the pushing and shoving involved in raising children these days.

The children from deprived areas are simply born at a disadvantage. Why can no one admit this!

Families, particularly poorer families are struggling to keep up. There is little to no network of support, extended family, elders in the community... let alone anyone willing and able to take a little of the load without a fee to match the weight of it.

Everyone is simply too run off their feet to invest themselves emotionally, financially or physically in their communities. It's often hard enough to find the time for our own families at the end of a 10 hour day.

Blaming parents is easy. The problem is structural.

Our focus is off centre. Family needs to be the focus. Supporting parents, families and children should be the priority of any country.

More often than not family and childhood... in the traditional sense of what the word childhood means... are having to be sidelined in favour of simply trying to make it up the ladder. Things "Stuff" has replaced, connections, experiences and relationships.

Yes, hard work pays off and we need to give young people a sense of responsibility and accountability for their own lives but we keep them bottled up for so long and then at aged 21 expect them to suddenly "get it". Get what it takes to stand alone, without initiation, the wisdom of elders and often little to no "real life" experiences ...

When young people are pushed and shoved through every hoop and test and exam we can throw at them only to watch their hopes and dreams are dash against the ***ever rising and impossible to live up to competition*** before they have even begun... something is going deeply wrong somewhere.
When we glamorise violence in movies and video games and sanction public acts of humiliation in reality TV shows, yet expect our youth not to take their cues, something is going deeply wrong somewhere.
We say that Gordon Ramsay is allowed to vent dismaying amounts of anger, arrogance and cruelty to some unfortunate 21 year old sous chef on his first job simply because he can... Simon Cowell can extinguish a kid's love of singing his heart out in one stone cold dry sentence... Celebrities in "The Apprentice" back stab and undercut one another without a single shred of conscience.... And we can all snicker at the poor chat show "mutton dressed as lamb" ex show girl on Jerry Springer.... Yes it is all very entertaining and we are always glad it is not us at the receiving end, maybe we actually believe we are above it all.... But what is this teaching our children?
It teaches them that those that grab and grasp and claw their way to the top are life's winners. Those that back stab and fight and step on others make their dreams come true.
Those that take what they can when they can, put other's down, put the job before ethics and the rules before what is right, true, noble and good, ultimately succeed in this broken world of ours.

No the riots were not right. They were tragic, frightening and disturbing.
No there is no excuse for the violence the crowd unleashed upon the police.
Yet sadly, maybe this is illustrative of why it is so important that we get our priorities right where young people are concerned. There is a sense of meaningless for a lot of young people these days.

Ultimately they need a strength of vision. One they can really believe in. One that gives "real" not counterfeit meaning and hope to their life in this world.
Then they need the simple food of familial and community support, love and wisdom to pass it along to the generations to come.

Our children and their childhoods have got to start coming first.

Some interesting points raised by the Archbishop of Caterbury regarding the riots...

Emmy turns 13

Thankful for... the growing, evolving, becoming of this young lady.

Thirteen candles!


Inside the card e.e cummings poem " I Carry Your Heart"