Well it’s been a while since I’ve written here.
When lockdown first started it really put life into perspective. I always thought I’d have more time as the children got older but living in a village (which I love) means that I do a lot of taxi driving kids to and from activities. There is only one bus in and out of here a day. Life had become a blur of driving, teaching, appointments and housework.
Lockdown has certainly been a journey. Many things happened ( some actually miraculous) but I’ll only talk about a few things right now.
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Facing death is a holy place. It is a bit like waiting to give birth. It whittles things down to their essentials. What really matters. It draws only the most important things to itself. The present moment becomes vivid and strangely, full of life under its unwavering gaze.
As catholics we are taught to observe momento mori, the remembrance of death. It’s a meditation I have been drawn to since I was a child. I had a lot of encounters with death as a child and it brought things into sharp relief for me. It made me aware of the preciousness of simple things. It made me think deeply about what things I should choose to spend my attention on and give my life to.
My Dad’s favourite saying has always been ‘we are tenants of time, we don’t own the freehold.’
With these things in mind, the first weeks of lockdown felt womb like. I spent a lot of time praying and resting. I spent more time on the home and garden. Not in a frantic let’s get the jobs done in time way but more let’s make this place a peaceful place to dwell in especially if we are going to be dwelling in it for months to come.
Our focus came back and life became very much like it was when the children were very small. Home based, prayer based, nature based. The important things. The essentials.
We stopped watching the daily government updates almost immediately and didn’t regret it.
Whatever is true or not true about this virus I can only do the best I can with what I have. I do a better job without worrying about things I can’t do anything meaningful about. Things that drain my emotional energy and divert it from those that need my love and attention right here.
A few weeks into lockdown, both my parents ended up in hospital. My Mum with pneumonia and my Dad with sepsis. My Mum recovered and went into respite. But my Dad is now receiving end of life care.
Because of the prognosis I was able to visit him nearly every day in hospital. I will always hold the memories of that time as some of the most precious of my life.
I visited our priest during a very painful week. He said leave everything in Mary’s hands, she’s our mother, she doesn’t abandon her children. She will go to God for us when we struggle to even lift our eyes. She will find the words to pray when we can’t.
It was like a burden was lifted off my shoulders, a burden that had been crushing me.
It’s hard to face our own weaknesses, to realise how little we are able to do in our own strength and how afraid we are of walking in God’s. I so often feel half hearted and lukewarm. At least it keeps me humble so for that I should be grateful.
My Mum moved back to her sheltered accommodation last week. Her garden is blooming with freshly planted flowers and the bird feeder and bath are filled to the brim so she can watch them eat and bathe from her window.
We are homeschooling a bit through the holidays as so much time was taken off with everything that happened.
I hope to share some of what we’re doing this year in the weeks to come. As usual it’s mainly arts and crafts based.
The photos on this post are mainly from an impromptu day trip to Dovedale in the Peak District.
It was the most beautiful place full of waterfalls and trees.
We hiked the 6 mile trail from Dovedale to Milldale and back. We stopped for for ice-cream at Milldale and sat on the bank of the river by the bridge and watched the ducks as the dog cooled off in the water. It was my favourite trip so far this year.
Hope you are all keeping well friends. Sending much love.
I heard this hymn for the first time over lockdown.
I love the words. ‘My life flows on in endless song because it’s hidden in Him.’ How can I keep from Singing?
My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth's lamentation,
I hear the sweet, though far-off hymn
That hails a new creation
Through all the tumult and the strife,
I hear that music ringing
It finds an echo in my soul
How can I keep from singing?
What though my joys and comforts die?
I know my Savior liveth
What though the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?
I lift my eyes, the cloud grows thin
I see the blue above it
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it,
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart
A fountain ever springing
For all things are mine since I am his
How can I keep from singing?
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth
How can I keep from singing?
