In-between times

I'm sitting here in the silence of early morning. The trees are rustling in the stark light. Our resident pigeons are cooing in the garden.

My heart is at peace.

I am so grateful to be here. I am so thankful for these, trees, this space, the quiet, the birdsong.

Last October Tani was made redundant from the job he had loved for 7 years. 

I couldn't talk about it at the time. I'm one who must process before I can reflect.

I guess it's been almost a year of processing now.

We had only moved house a few months before this happened. (The first home of our own) 

We nearly lost our home when I was a growing up. I've also been homeless twice as a young adult so my attachment to the concept of home, safety and security is pretty intense.

I've had to confront, examine and begin to let go of my fears surrounding the loss of this home.

When we were renting, things were different. I never felt the same attachment to place, community, or bricks and mortar. 

I felt like whatever happened next would be an adventure. It was like mentally living in a boat. We were meant to drift from harbour to harbour. And it was okay because there was no deep attachment. I hadn't allowed myself to put down an anchor.

Since moving here I feel like I'm really home for the first time. 

The two eldest girls have their own rooms at last. The two middle ones have a much bigger room with space for both their things while Nola still co sleeps with us, but that's all good.

Redundancy jolted the foundations. 

During those weeks of in-between, I had to fully allow myself to inhabit four precepts that always seem to come into stark focus during any life changing circumstance. 

Nothing in life is secure, nothing in life is permanent, all is changing, all is gift. 

Life is fragile, transitory and infinitely precious.

How simple, true and hard that is to bear.

Tani's job was a blessing for us in many ways. He worked in town so the commute was next to nothing. The company he worked for had great ethics and was also very flexible and accommodating to the needs of a growing family. There was a lot of support and he had made many strong friendships there.

When his department was outsourced it was incredibly hard to say goodbye and move on.

Tani found another job in a relatively short time. I realise what a blessing that was.

We are truly thankful (even for the long commute), especially in the current climate of job scarcity.

Yet, strangely, it was really special having him at home for that time. It was the first time in years that we had spent so much time together.  

When when our fingers interlaced in solidarity of feeling, knowing we were in this together and we would find a way it took me back 15 years to the early weeks, months and years.

 

Everyday day life can put us in remote mode. 

We do what we must do, often without thinking or really engaging, and then life shakes you up and everything clarifies.

This year we've had a fair few shakes.

Tani's job, my health, returning to mainstream schooling after 7 years of homeschooling, Emmy moving to her own place this September when she starts college full time...

Yet, after life's shake ups the sediments fall to the bottom and only the essential remains.

Like the first light of morning, stark and true  you suddenly understand what matters most to you and why.

"The day is ending. Now the princess must go home. The star folk come to light her way through the trees."

Joining  "A Field of Wildflowers."
& A Spirit of Simplicity