Saturday, 26 March 2016

{Soulfood Friday}

This week I have felt a little more awake and clear headed than I have for a while. I think I've been slightly depressed without even realizing it. Maybe those vitamin D tablets are finally kicking in! Or maybe it's the brighter, crisper, longer days. And sunlight, finally, sunlight! I am beginning to feel stronger and can do more than I have been able to for some time. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog and hoping that my body, mind and soul are finally overcoming the health problems of last year. 

It has been hard to blog, write and do my art and craft work over the last year or so. My energy reserves have been precious, fragile and used on the most important work of making meals, hugging kids, keeping some semblance of order, resting, you know simple things. 

I saw this quote on fb the other day and it spoke to me. Sometimes you have to readjust your focus and re calibrate your value systems to what matters most.

Yet it has been frustrating at times. I have so many ideas for my work and writing projects simmering like  good, broth concentrating, concentrating down, ready to be served up. 

I think there is something about reaching your mid thirties. You feel the culmination of years within you. Then you get a little shocked by how quickly they've passed! 
Perhaps you begin to wonder once again, what your real purpose for being here is.

I feel good about the choices I've made so far. There were times when I wondered whether the choices we made seemed rational under the circumstances. Our choices were certainly questioned by others at times. But when I look honestly at the premise behind the choices we made I see love.  I feel strong.

The choices we made were motivated by heart and soul. When we chose to have the children close together, to home school and for me to stay home without many resources at the time, it didn't feel all that logical, but it did feel deeply right. 

Plenty seem to believe poor people shouldn't have children. Yet during those leaner times God provided for us beyond that which money can buy. It wasn't easy, there were no singing choirs of angels but we grew, we learned about our strengths, we were confronted with our weaknesses, we were humbled and we learned about real joy.

In the last few years we have finally found that material form of security too. A beautiful place to live. A friendly community. A feeling of hope and possibility. 
It is hard not to become attached to the material stuff. Or feel guilty for it! It is hard to keep making choices from the heart and the soul instead of fear. 

Looking back I see that my health issues really started when Tani was made redundant. He has now found a wonderful job, but those times were a test for sure. I have never felt like a materialistic person, but I was profoundly scared of losing that which we had only just found; stability. 

It has been a process of accepting the transitory and ephemeral nature of existence. The constant letting go. The ebb and flow of life and all it's transmutations. Every change has a piece of loss in it. There is no real security. Every moment is a gift. We can't expect to be able to control every aspect of our lives. The unexpected will happen. 
When it does I hope I'll have my real home built on a rock, not on sand

I think what I'm trying to say is the only building that lasts, is founded in the heart or the soul. It is forged from the stone of our experiences and the choices we make. It is those little, everyday interactions and memories. It is the moments we put down the phone and stare our the window at the trees and the sunlight. It is internal. Whatever happens we can find an indwelling, a harbour, an abode within that place. 

"Jesus, Son of Mary (on whom be peace) said: The World is a Bridge, pass over it, but build no houses upon it. He who hopes for a day, may hope for eternity; but the World endures but an hour. Spend it in prayer, for the rest is unseen."

 A quote carved in kufic script all the way around the arch of Fatehpur Sikrithe the ruined Mughal capital built by the Muslim emperor Akbar just outside Agra at the end of the 16th century. 

Wishing everyone a peaceful and sacred Easter weekend in whichever way you celebrate it! xx

Some pictures from our walk yesterday.

Every Friday I'll be pausing to notice something from the week that has nourished my soul. 

A special, sacred-everyday moment captured on camera, or perhaps a snippet from a book, a recipe still warm from the kitchen or something whimsical that simply made me smile.
Here are a few simple things that have fed my soul this week. 

What has inspired/fed/nourished your soul this week friends? 
 Feel free to link up to your own soulful spaces either at the bottom of this post or in the comments.




  1. What lovely photos! Wishing you a Happy, Holy Easter!

  2. What a lovely sunny photoseries!
    I've so often searched and hoped for stability (it's the most important thing in the life of autistic peoples, because they stand alone without social structures... - ), but it never was for a long time.
    Well, that's life! And when I have lose all, it was always my inner richness, what I still had. No, that does not make it any easier, but I've always survived.
    Happy Easter

  3. This post was so good for me to read. Last year was incredibly difficult for my family. My oldest daughter (18 yrs) became very ill and had three hospitalizations in nine months, and then my husband lost his job (of thirty-two years) in August. We are still in transition, still on the pilgrim way, but like you, I have found comfort in reflecting on the choices we have made over the years (which are very much like yours): five children, home schooling, a wealth of love rather than material things, and most of all following Spirit. Thank you for sharing your lovely, thoughtful reflections, and your beautiful photographs.


  4. Suzy your story sounds like mine. This is the first year I have felt like cooking and all the other things for a big family gathering. I had medical, and still do but under control, and my PA put me on 5000meq of Vitamin D and I am feeling so much better. She said aging drains that from us in so many ways. All the blessings of Easter to you and yours. A beautiful post as usua.

  5. I hope you're feeling more like your old self again soon, Suzy Mae. I understand about being true to yourself and what you know to be right. In the past few years, I have found myself tested many times when I had to make choices about protecting my children and my own little livelihood from the choices of others. It hurt a lot, and now I'm without a close connection to members of my wider family because of it. But it was the right thing to do and I feel stronger and like a better wife and mother for it. I wish you and your family a very happy Easter, especially now with the new baby at home. I know you will have a lovely day together.

  6. Wishing you and your family a happy Easter.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughtful reflections.

  7. I am so glad you are starting to feel better. I've spoken with people who call Vitamin D their miracle pill. I especially loved that Jesus quote. Easter blessings to you.

  8. This is so beautiful. I am so glad you have begun to feel better. The sunshine is so uplifting, isn't it? Thank you for sharing this. I can see a reflection of my own life and my own thoughts. God bless :)

  9. I am glad to hear that you are feeling a little better and am sorry to hear that you were unwell for so long. Sometimes it is only when we feel a bit better that we realise how bad things were. I hope the future feels like a better place now than it did.

  10. This post resonated with me so much right now. It was real solace for my soul. Your little grandchild is so beautiful! Congratulations on that new life "so fresh from the hand of God."


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