"There where love is lacking, put love and you will reap love."
When love is the hardest thing to do, maybe it is then that love is needed most desperately of all.
There is usually at least one child in every family that needs the greatest loving at the times when they are the hardest to love.
Mine is a spirited and wondrous little girl named Seraphina.
Seraphina is so FULL of unquenchable energy. If there is an obstacle the size of a snail shell in her way, she will. tumble. over. it.
...Or crush it!
The power of her cry actually makes her sisters small glass animal collection quiver with fright.
And she never needs help with anything...ever.
Seraphim's are fiery six winged angels that guard the throne of God...
Seraphina is fiery :)
Maybe we are all a little like my Seraphina though.
I know that when I am acting my worst it is because I'm feeling insecure. I'm worried and my fears seem beyond my control. Or I'm overwhelmed, fatigued, or simply seeking to feel that I am loved. Truly and unconditionally by those closest to me. Maybe we are all little children deep down :)
The more difficult parts of my personality are always triggered when I feel like I'm not good enough as I am. When I feel like I have to be something I'm not to fit anothers ideal.
I think as parents (I know I am guilty of this sometimes) we carry an image of our child. This image often contains all the best qualities of ourselves rather than the child :)
When the child finds that who they are doesn't fit the image he/she feels unacceptable.
Some may try to fit. Others may rebel.
Seraphina is a blessing to me because she pushes me to the edges of my own preconceptions and imperfections. She makes me a better mother and a better, truer person.
There are no pretensions with her. She makes sure that there are no pretensions with me either.
It is easy for me to lull myself into imagining I'm the most wonderful, patient Mummy with my older girls. But Fina shakes my ego up a bit. She is like a crazy old Buddhist zen master reminding me constantly that it's not all about me and my ideas. There is a bigger picture out there. Maybe a better one. Certainly a truer, clearer, less deadly perfect one. And it's not a colour by numbers either!
I have to get right down onto that dusty, dismantled barbie strewn carpet to connect with her.
It is hard especially when she resists me. She is so independent and has never been snugly as my other girls. She is all sharp corners and awkward angles! She reminds me of those cartoon characters whose legs keep going round and round like a Catherine Wheel even before they've started moving.
I have to get down to her level, physically and emotionally.
See her eye to eye. Slow everything down. Connect my heart to hers.
Oooh it can be so hard. I feel the stretch. "I feel" like the Grinch when he throws himself down in pain as love swells his heart till it actually begins to enlarge :)
From humility, my humility I have to let go.
Let go of my stubbornness (the stubbornness she has inherited in industrial strength quantities :)
Then fall down in a heap of joy and just love unconditionally that crazy girl of the unkempt curl and the pixie grin that gives her away every time.
It's then I find I actually begin to love myself, unconditionally too.
Imperfect, but trying, ever trying to put love in threadbare places.
Well I utterly love this, Suzy.
ReplyDeleteWhen we really face our children as they are (and anyone else for that matter) with the intention to love selflessly, we ultimately will love well and will face ourselves with loving kindness too.
I've found it increasingly sad how people so quickly amputate friends from their lives and over the most foolish things. Fair-weather friends take offense easily because people do not conform to expectations and this opens the door to so much dis-ease in relationships.
Your children, family, and friends are blessed to have you in their lives and to receive the unique beauty that is yours. I know I am!
I can really relate to what you say in this post! My older child has attachment difficulties due to abuse he suffered before we adopted him. Being his mother has forced me to confront what it means to love another person unconditionally - and at the same time, it's pushed me to love and forgive myself. You've absolutely touched on a very true aspect of parenting. I personally feel very grateful that I have faith in something larger than me and all of us, that's helped me along the way.
ReplyDeleteOh Laure I'm so pleased to have you as a friend too :)
ReplyDeleteThank your Christinelaenec. I find my faith helps tremedously when it comes to seeing the bigger picture too :)
Ahhh, it would seem that little, adorable, fiery Seraphina has come to help you along on your journey, perhaps as one of your greatest teachers. Sometimes they come in teeny, tiny packages. ;) This kind of loving is what makes you the best kind of parent. The kind that allows you to bend, and rethink and reform all that you thought you knew. A wonderful and refreshing post, and I adore the photos, what a cutie!!! :)
ReplyDeleteOh thankyou! My boy is my prickly one - always has been. I've been reading "Unconditional Parenting" and it resonates with me. And your post does beautifully too!
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is adorable, and I love your description of her. You are both very blessed to have each other!
ReplyDeleteOh I needed this post today. I've got one of them, spirited, fiery, independent, hard to wrap your arms around girls. She came that way, and some days I'm able to recognize the honor but there are certainly days I throw my hands to the sky and ask why she has to torture me so. But maybe the torturing really is just teaching as you suggested above. I'll think about that the next time my arms are thrown up to the sky. I don't think they write books for the likes of these brilliant spirits, whatever help they (or us) need can only come from within.
ReplyDeleteFrom humility, my humility I have to let go.
ReplyDeleteoh suzy. how did you know? i've been so full of pride lately. and this post, it speaks to me of my husband versus my son... how hard i've been finding it to have grace this last while. please pray for me sister. your words, they minister more than you'll ever know. (and, on a side note, did you design your blog? have you ever designed anyone else's? i love your set-up here, and would maybe be interested in you redesigning mine; can you email me and let me know your thoughts? xo...)
So beautiful, this, and your blog! You know your child, know her well. And so true, that the hardest time to love is when unlovable (ourselves or others!) :)
ReplyDelete"Imperfect, but trying, ever trying to put love in threadbare places"... I'm with you, friend.
oh, how i loved this entire post! and how i could relate! "ever trying to put love in threadbare places." YES! thank you for putting your thoughts into words this week--they truly ministered to me.
ReplyDeletesteph
wow this kid is a character...what a blessing
ReplyDeleteGod Bless