Saturday, 21 April 2012
"Humiliation, like other forms of punishment, is counterproductive.
"Doing to" strategies -- as opposed to those that might be described as "working with" -- can never achieve any result beyond temporary compliance, and it does so at a disturbing cost."
That cost, he says, is that the lessons learned by children are not the ones that the parent intended. What harshly disciplined kids absorb, he warns is "
(1) my parent isn't a caring ally whom I can trust but an enforcer I should try to avoid,
(2) when you have a problem with what someone else has done, you should just use power to make the other person do what you want, and
(3) the reason not to steal (or lie or hurt people) isn't because of how it affects others but because of the consequence you, yourself, will face if you're caught.
No wonder so many adults who do terrible things were humiliated, or spanked, or otherwise punished -- often harshly -- when they were young."
~ Alfie Kohn, author of Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason