Monday, 21 September 2009
From today.... and yesterday
For some reason, I have been feeling a gradual swell of emotion come over me over the last week or so.
I just couldn't hold back the tears from the morning.
I cried about Eliyana.
Floods of tears.
I was trembling, like a stream was running through me.
Part of my body almost feels like it hasn't quite caught onto the fact that we lost her and is still waiting, preparing for something that is not going to happen.
Part of me feels torn apart that we had to go to the hospital and couldn't deliver her naturally at home.
But I have to realise that her spirit had already flown to it's heavenly home.
It's funny but whenever I think of her in heaven I see Mother Mary close by.
I feel almost like she's growing under her nurturing love only a breath away yet beyond a veil I cannot lift just yet.
Tani took me and the girls into the countryside. The older ones did some archery with him, the little ones tumbled down the hills doing roly polys!
There was such a special quality to the light, I wished I'd had the camera, but like so many times, beauty is often best captured and imprinted on the soul rather than the page.
The Autumnal colours and the fresh crisp sunlight turned everything to glass, shining, shimmering.
I drank it in.
You know somedays when you just feel like you're chasing your tail all day and never catching it?
Today was a wash with storm clouds that smelled of rain but held on tight to their own salty tears.
Sometimes the sky gets into your veins, today felt like a foggy autumn sky.
We'll become a little like driftwood tomorrow I think.
Weather shaped but light enough to float to stiller waters, moor against the banks of this running river, till the sun peeks through the blue and the gravity of the ocean comes into view.