Mooring

The night I drove Emmy back to town, the moon loomed larger and redder than I've ever seen it.
She and her boyfriend Matthew are slowly but surely furnishing what was a small, empty attic room into cosy nursery. Tiny clothes are being carefully folded into drawers, her hand painted pictures cheer the walls and blankets both old and new drape the chairs.

Life moves, seasons change and we become more pliable, mutable and softer with their teaching.
Lines that were once etched in stone have been scribbled over with crayon and small mossy plants have started to take root in the cracks.

The next morning the sunlight is thin as whey.
The gangly hedgerow grasses fray.
The signs of their fading gleam gloriously in the wash.
The sky is a crisp, new canvas, poised and ready as a bird on the brink of flight.
And I have no profound words or deep insights to write, or camera at hand to capture the moment.
Just the gossamer fabric of silence which evaporates on touch.

The days are quiet. Just Boo and I.
With no fixed plans, we fill them with that which feels right and good.
I thought I'd fill these extra hours to their brim. Utilise, might be a better word.
I thought I'd utilise them, make them work for their keep and pay their rent. In other words, squeeze their freshness to dregs.  But isn't that what time is for, to be used efficiently and productively?
After all isn't this what I've always dreamt of; time in which to do the things I never get time for?
Modern life can feel a little as if you are in a boat with a leak that you constantly have to keep pailing out.
Money is a constant need as it is for everyone.
Yet keeping the water out through constant work and busyness can sometimes only mean another way of drowning.

Since my illness, I've not had the same quantities of energy that I had before. I've begun to re-evaluate the way my time is spent, literally.

Not every stillness is in want of movement. Not every silence needs to be filled with sound.

Pacing the day means that I can mindfully prepare meals and take care of the home, garden and animals without distraction or discord.
It means I can more readily carve out a peaceful and open space in which to gently welcome often tired and sometimes fractious children home from school.

I am working even if there's not too much to show for it.

In a product driven world, process, which is often hard to define, weigh and measure, can be easily rushed through, forgotten about or removed from the picture altogether.
Work which can't be compensated for in pounds and pence becomes devalued.
This doesn't mean however, that it is valueless work; an important distinction.

This afternoon we pruned the lavender bushes taking care not to break the delicate lacework of the spiders.
We preserved some more elderberries, read passages from books that we were reading in the garden and made each-other laugh.
I knitted some rows of Matilda's sweater and phoned my Dad.
I'm now going to leave early so I don't have to race down the country lanes as I pick up the girls from school.

When I feel the world biting at my heels I will go to my secret place. The one I have furnished with time spent and attention given. And I will trust as Lady Julian of Norwich said.
“All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”

 "Don't spend your energies on things that generate worry, anxiety and anguish. Only one thing is necessary: Lift up your spirit and love God."

 Padre Pio

 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33


"The Mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
Lao Tzu



Joining Tuesday Afternoon at Spirit of Simplicity
 Little Things Thursday
nature notes
Through my lens

Soulfood Friday

Every time I drive to our local dog walking path I notice this magical place on the side of the road. It is fenced off for the Deer that graze here so only park rangers can access it. In the evening and especially this time of year it it lit with the most sublime, golden hues. I took these pictures around 7pm yesterday evening. It is hard to see but there is a little stream that meanders between the trees.

Sometimes you just know when there is magic in a place. If fairies would live anywhere, it would be such a place as this.

Some places just feel as if they have been preserved for something other than humankind to live.

At some points along the stream my photographs just didn't come out at all. It could have been the contrast, the lightning or my position, or maybe, just maybe there are some places that just can't be captured on film, only be sensed by the eye and the heart.

Folklore states that their are places, deep in the countryside, moors and mountains where even animals do not dare to tread knowing that fairy land cannot be trespassed or taken.

Here is a little film I watched recently that is full of wonder and the magic of childhood.




Every Friday I'll be pausing to notice something from the week that has nourished my soul.

*

A special, sacred-everyday moment captured on camera, or perhaps a snippet from a book, a recipe still warm from the kitchen or something whimsical that simply made me smile. 

*

Here are a few simple things that have fed my soul this week.

What has inspired/fed/nourished your soul this week friends?

*

Feel free to link up to your own soulful spaces either at the bottom of this post or in the comments.

   

    An InLinkz Link-up

   

{Yarn Along}

I so enjoyed knitting up a Pickles Plain vest for Seraphina I made one for Nola too and have already cast on another for Matilda by enlarging the pattern. It is a lovely quick, satisfying knit with a lovely garter stitched yoke. Perfect for those breezier Autumn days.
The pattern was simple. I was only flummoxed once when trying to work out what kind of technique I should use for making the sleeve stitches. In the end I was able to figure it out pretty quickly.

I'm currently reading Kaleidoscope City - a Year in Varanasi by Piers Moor Ede.
I have only just started it but his descriptions of  the city have already immersed me in the sights, sounds and smells of this extraordinary place.

Joining Small Things and Frontier Dreams today

New Routines and Random Ramblings

Our sunflowers have finally made an appearance!

 I sometimes feel like my life is a thread weaving in and out of many things, the roles I play, the appointments I keep, the work I accomplish, and the everyday routines I follow.

There are many facets to our beings.
My internal voice changes with each movement.

Sometimes it's loud and agitated, especially when we need to be somewhere in 5 minutes and I've just realized there are no matching socks in my house and the dog has once again hidden someone's shoe in the garden.

Sometimes it is clarified and fragile, like when I sit and watch birds skitter about,  trees rustle, or read a poem with just the right words at just the right time.

With family and old friends, my inner voice is playful and childlike.
But when I'm new to something, it suddenly becomes cautious and safe.

Am I both of these things, or is one voice not as real as the other?

I'd love my  social inner voice to be open and centered. I'm working on it and most of the time I think it is. I'm much more keen to simply settle into being myself, it's the path of least resistance. It's hard work trying to be someone else and I'm lazy.
I also crave authenticity.

Some people are Blackbirds who can just let go and sing, or House Sparrows that can flit from branch to branch chirupping and chattering away as they dance their beautiful, dance.
When caught in a crowd I'm more like a wild eyed Hen Pheasant searching for a gap in the hedge in which to scuttle.
Sometimes I like to just be quiet.

I used to go through brief periods of voluntary muteness as a child and, when I did,  would feel suddenly released into the simplicity and peace of my inner world.
Strangely, it was then that I would feel closest to my real voice too.

In random group situations such as waiting in the playground to pick kids up from school I find myself in Pheasant default mode. 
I try to channel a kind of paint by numbers, light, bright and breezy inner voice but unfortunately school playgrounds  just turn me into an awkward stuttery, say weird things at wrong moments type.
It seems, however, old you get, even if you're grown up enough to be a granny next
March, the school playground is still the school playground, hmmmm.
*

By the way, I am having so much fun teaching Boo at the moment. She has reached the age where she is able to get on with her own work while I get on with mine. We converse, joke around, play games and go out while also being able to actually get stuff done and feel accomplished. It feels very unusually un-chaotic. :)

Curriculum wise, we have talked about the subjects we want to cover and researched resources online and at the library. We are sticking to a loose and flexible time table to make sure we get to cover a little of each subject over the course of the week.
Here is a list of some of the resources we are using:

At the moment we are studying Astronomy using these books:
From Ptolemy's Dark Spheres to Dark Energy by John Farndon
New Astronomy by Carole Stott
Atlas of Space by Scholastic
The Usbourne book of Science experiments 
Marvin and Milo's Adventures in Science

These websites:
Science Kids
Hubblesite

French using these books:
Ana Lomba's Storybook Series with CD
Hop, skip and sing in French
Lucy Chat series
I can read French series
French without tears (Bk, 1 &2)
Usbourne French for Beginners

I am using Sat's textbooks for English 
We are reading The Mill on the Floss for vocabulary
The Usbourne Make your own Storybook is a wonderful creative writing resource.
We are reading and talking about a poem a week. Usually chosen from this book.
We also have an hours quiet reading everyday. At the moment Boo is reading War Horse by Michael Morpurgo.

For Maths we are using:
Letts Maths revision text book
Carol Vordemans Fractions and Decimals Made Easy 
And lots of Khan Acaemy :)

For Geography we are working through 
Letts Geography revision 13-14
With extra back up from this site.

For history we are creating a time line using this online resource.
We are also reading A Street Through Time by Steve Noon and Dr Anne Millard

Art lessons are supplied by these fantastic you tube tutorials by Illustrator Mark Crilly.
She is also  doing some fun and informal Italian with her Dad before bed if she's not too tired.

Oh and Emmy does a half hour piano lesson with her on Saturdays.

The sticky subject of exams and the weird and wonderful hoops home schoolers have to jump through in order to actually sit them is not something I'm going to get too concerned with this year.
All I know is she is glad to be home and I'm glad to have her and we're going to take it one step at a time.

Soulfood Friday

Our internet connection has been very haphazard over the last couple of weeks. Indeed, I was not sure I would even be able to write this weeks Soulfood  Friday post. 
I have felt frustrated at times, as the line falters between the beginning and sending of e-mails or the replying to messages and comments.

Yet this lack of online conversation has carved out space in the days I had forgotten existed.
Beyond the screen is a wide open field. And it can be quite daunting to step out into it.

It is much easier for me to check facebook or Instagram than spend some one on one time with my thoughts, especially if those thoughts tend toward worry. Change brings out the Hobbit within me and there have been many changes here at home over the last few weeks.

But, if I roll a picnic blanket over that soft green grass and actually sit still for long enough, I find another world, one with still waters and green pastures.
Somehow, this inner world  makes the outer world, truer, braver, more authentic and more real.

 The Clay Jug

Kabir

 

Inside this clay jug there are canyons

and pine mountains, and the maker of

canyons and pine mountains!

All seven oceans are inside, and

hundreds of millions of stars.

The acid that tests gold is there, and

the one who judges jewels.

And the music from the strings

no one touches, and the source of

all water.

If you want the truth, I will tell you

the truth:

Friend, listen:

the God whom I love is inside.

 

Simple soulfoods for this week.

• Plaiting Wheat stalks for Harvest Festival.

• A pantry stocked with beautiful, wholesome food.

• Making dinner with Matilda. She loves to chop the vegetables.

    An InLinkz Link-up

   

September so far...

It has been quite a Summer.
Today the rain falls in silent streams down the window pane and my body responds with a need for blankets, quiet and hot tea.
There is a word to describe an odd creature such as myself who finds solace and comfort in the rain: Pluviophile. 
The brisk red underline of spell check infers that we are not yet a recognised group. 
But I know I am not alone.
On rainy days there is room for the quiet. 
There is room for contemplation and solitude sans guilt.

"Your career and interests,  are important, but they are only important insofar as they lead you toward a deeper understanding of yourself."  A.H. Almass


This "yourself" is not, I presume, a distillation of persona, habits or reactions but an inner essence of being, that, like a silt and tide formed pearl that can only be mined if we are prepared to dive deep.
And the silt only settles when the ocean stops churning.

There are days when I need the quietness of low winds and high tides. 
I need  time to allow the particles fall where they may before I begin to sift and sort.

I was talking with Tani yesterday. I said, I think the only way I've been able to cope with the workload over the last few years is to drop lots of balls.
I am shabby when it comes to texting, answering the phone, e-mailing, attending school/church meetings or wrestling Nola out of her reindeer costume and mismatched socks before playdates or errands. I feel guilty for not being as "on" as I should be.
Yet this seems to be the only way I can make the room to be completely present for the things I do, do. 
I want my yes, when I say it, to be meaningful and authentic. 

*

I miss Emmy. She comes back for the weekends but they are not long enough. I understand the practicalities behind her living in town, but it still feels like a wrench. 

*

Boo is now homeschooling once more. 
 On her first day she was nervous, but excited as she put on her new clothes and packed her shiny new stationary into her rucksack. However, as the days wore on she began to wilt. When she came home last Tuesday she was like a crumpled piece of paper. It just wasn't working out.

The teachers at school were kind and wonderfully supportive. Indeed, can't say enough good things about the staff. They really do turn up everyday, wanting the best for the kids in their charge.
But there were other things. The uniform was too tight. The lessons were sometimes interesting, sometimes boring and occasionally great fun, especially, dance, art and music. The playground was too small and too concrete, however the breakfast bagels were delicious. The day was too long. The rules were too strict, especially when it came to needing the loo during lessons. And sadly, friends turned out not to be friends when it mattered most. 
This friend thing is so important when you are 11 and a half. Actually, this friend thing is really important when you're 30 something and a half too. I'm sure we can do more to nurture friendships in schools.

Overall Boo feels glad she had the experience, as she says, it has given her a wider perspective on how reality works and why it often doesn't :)

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Just wanted to mention, we live in a tiny village with very limited and temperamental Internet connection. The BT man visited "to upgrade" the broadband a couple of weeks ago and, as it seems, got a little tangled up in the wires leading to our house. So my interweb presence may be more sporadic and random than usual until it gets sorted.

Wishing you all a lovely week ahead! Pictures are from our village's annual Picnic on the Green.

Soulfood Friday

An end of Summer picnic on the green.

Flowers catching the light on the Kitchen window sill.

The muted colours of an Autumn garden.

Every Friday I'll be pausing to notice something from the week that has nourished my soul.

*

A special, sacred-everyday moment captured on camera, or perhaps a snippet from a book, a recipe still warm from the kitchen or something whimsical that simply made me smile. 

*

Here are a few simple things that have fed my soul this week.

What has inspired/fed/nourished your soul this week friends?

*

Feel free to link up to your own soulful spaces either at the bottom of this post or in the comments.

   

    An InLinkz Link-up

   

Soulfood Friday

We spent a quiet couple of hours this week in search of woodland apples.
I love to watch for signs of the changing season, noticing the turn in hue and tone of leaf and bough.
The hawthorns are already ripening.

Cow Parsley have gone to seed.

At last, deep in the most secret part of the wood, apples hang in rosy clusters.
They are like little jewels, odd in size and often housing several worms at a time, but made sweet by sunlight and crisp by air and far better than any perfect shop bought specimens.

All things glimmer gold.

Rose hips dapple the hedgerow.

Thistledown quivers amongst flailing grass.

And we end up with a handsome hoard of apples for crumbles and pies.

The woods are like medicine for me. This peaceful walk was truly a sanctuary in the midst of one busy and emotional week,

Every Friday I'll be pausing to notice something from the week that has nourished my soul.

*

A special, sacred-everyday moment captured on camera, or perhaps a snippet from a book, a recipe still warm from the kitchen or something whimsical that simply made me smile. 

*

Here are a few simple things that have fed my soul this week.

What has inspired/fed/nourished your soul this week friends?

*

Feel free to link up to your own soulful spaces either at the bottom of this post or in the comments.

   

    An InLinkz Link-up