On Pride and Discouragment

{Firstly, I'd just like to apologise for not responding to comments. I've tried but for some reason, they've not shown up. I just want to thank those who've taken the time to leave comments. I'll try to figure the problem out in my settings as soon as I can.}

Recently, I’ve been reading a wonderful book called The Little Way of Trust By Fr. Jacques Philippe. One sentence really stood out for me today. Discouragement is pride disguised.
A few years ago I was feeling really discouraged in my homeschool/parenting/faith journey.
My eldest daughter seemed to have drifted away from the church that was once such a big part of her life, my middle girls were getting their first flush of hormones, my elderly parents began needing more care and it didn’t seem like I had enough time with my youngest daughter.
I felt like I was failing in so many ways.  Interiorly, I felt weary and burdened. I felt like I’d lost the spark and joy of life.

Derek Prince said that a dominating spirit is not a spirit of God but a spirit of the enemy.
Often we feel weary because our ‘vision’ our idea of perfection or how things should be isn’t made manifest.
We want to control or dominate all forces to bring about our idea of what life should look like or be.
For me, I wanted to mitigate all suffering, sadness, trials, struggles and pain for my children.
It seems like a perfectly natural desire, but it was driving me to live in constant fear. To wrap them in  a bubble can't protect, only stifle.
To realise that I can’t save my children, I can’t even save myself.  To understand that some disapointments and suffering are essential for the formation of the soul was the key to unlocking that prison of fear.
It allowed me to put down my burden at His feet.
Only God can save us and we have to be willing to trust Him alone with the process.

Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar
and wait for your fire - Psalm 5:3

Sometimes we feel weary because we are carrying burdens that we were never meant to carry.
Every choice is a decision  about which burden to lift up and which burden to put down.

I must ask myself, who am I serving when picking up my burden? Am I serving my own vision or God’s?

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. - Matthew 11

The opposite of pride is humility.
Humility is knowing I can’t do anything profitable without God’s Grace.
Humility gives me the freedom to surrender all to Him because I just can't do it on my own.
Humility is yielding ( the future, the past, the present, every loss, every victory, every sorrow, every grief and every joy) to God.

Humility is knowing I can do nothing of value unless I’m grafted to the vine. - John 15

Humility is knowing I can build nothing that will stand against the storms of life unless I let the master architect build it. - Psalm 127

Humility is resting in the mystery. It's knowing God's ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts are above my thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-9

The funny thing is that during that time of discouragement everything, externally seemed to be optimised for joy and peace. We had just moved from a cramped council house to a lovely, new home. We were finally in a stable place financially. Everything seemed like it should have been better than ever. Yet I fretted over losing our newly aquired 'security' and these beautiful new things felt more like a prison to protect than a freedom to enjoy.
I tried to take control over everything and in so doing I dropped the very thing that mattered most, my trust in the one who had provided all that was truly good and beautiful in my life.

God is gracious, faithful and good. He is our Father and He waits for us and leads us so patiently.

Once I had come to the end of myself trying to juggle all the balls and tie up all the loose ends, make everything "right" God came to find me.
I went through some health issues which meant I really couldn't do all the things anymore. My pride took a hit. It was painful. It was a mercy.

Whenever I find myself discouraged now I ask myself which burden's I'm trying to carry that I was never meant to carry. Then I ask Him to take them. I lean into Him. I find my rest in taking His yoke rather than my own. Sometimes, this means, giving some things up. Sometimes it means saying no to some things so I can say yes to more important things.

The more I've trusted in Him, the more I've seen things work out for His purposes.
God's vision and plans are always better than our own.
They don't always mean there will be no struggles. Often it means choosing the struggle rather than the easy way. But when He is with us in the struggle we also receive the grace to accept it and grow through it in ways we’d never possibly imagined we could.

So, my eldest daughter has kept her faith. She is an amazing mother. She is an encourager and an adventurer.
My middle's are now in the midst of teenhood. There are still big emotions to navigate but they are growing in their faith and the growing pains of growing up are bonding them in their sisterhood.
God has renewed and restored my relationship with my parents in and through everything we've been through.
There are still ups and downs, but I see the grace that abounds in both. And that brings peace beyond all circumstances. A peace beyond understanding. A peace the world cannot give.
-Phillipians 4:7
- John 4:27

So, don't be discouraged. We are enough when we are in Him.