~Anais Nin
I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. When I receive such warmth it means so much, I can't adequately put into words how you touch my heart.
Thank you.
I stutter every time anyone asks me about my childhood. I have a thousand different stories that are close to the truth but not quite the truth. Ones that tidy up the corner's and smooth out the edges, making the past a little neater, cleaner and easier to put into words. I have spent a lifetime writing them in my mind and a lifetime trying to avoid having to tell them.
I have this shame connected to my past. Shame that stems from being the odd one out, having parents with problems, being an only child, having to make my own way without any of the normal securities in place that a family provides. I spent many years in a state of tension. I felt like I had to make sure my parents were okay, that things were taken care of. I spent a good deal of time trying to cover everything up so that no one on the outside would notice. I built a lot of walls, till the person I was on the outside was a hash up of what I thought I had to become to be "normal" or accepted.
I am slowly becoming ready to open up. Lean into my own story. Remember it as it really was. Good, bad and all the bits in between... Then tell it the way it really was. Give it some love :)
I recently read a wonderful little e-book found here, in which the author talks about how she will sit with herself when ever she is feeling out of sorts and with compassion ask different parts of her body what is hurting them.
I find I get myself busy instead of taking time to sit and be with myself. If I am in discomfort I wade through it, plough through it, put it out of my path by putting something else in it's place.
I need to sit with myself, see myself with compassion, see the child I was, the one that is a part of me, and ask her quietly and simply, what has been hurting you?
Then listen in silence without judgement.
The Song of the Silent Snow.
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ReplyDeleteSorry - posted before I'd finished! ...This post really touched me. When I find life hard I speed up and as you put it, plough through it until I drive me and everyone around me completely crazy. You're spot on about trying to speak to yourself with compassion - I've never mastered it, but I know that's the key. Good luck with focussing on it yourself and great snow pics! x
ReplyDeleteYour little girls look like they are having the best time and I love the little red nose and rosy cheeks! I would love to sit with you one day Suzy, share a cup of tea and just spend the afternoon watching your girls play. I can not think of a better way to spend an afternoon [or two]!
ReplyDeleteSuzy, what fabulous snow fun you all had!
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of shame (which in my opinion is relevant to every single one of us), have you ever watched one of Brene Brown's TED videos? One I really liked is this one: www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html I haven't watched this one on 'shame and empathy' but here is another link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0
Thank you for entrusting us with some of your deepest memories / feelings. xox, Christine
Thank you Christine! Yes! I love Brene Brown and I wrote a post a while back inspired by one of her TED talks!!! She is wonderful isn't she :) Thank you for your kind encouragment.
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Thanks so much for being brave enough to share your story. :) The video was adorable, she is such a cutie! Snow does have a certain magic to it, so soft and silent. We've had a very mild winter here, which has been nice, but I can't help being a bit excited for the snow that is forecast for tomorrow. As for the talking to your body part of your post, or perhaps I should say listening to your body part... I've been doing this for some time now and it always helps to clear things up for me. Often now, I can tell that something is bothering me before I even realize it's so, just by being in tune with what my body is telling me. It does require slowing down and being quiet, something that I think is hard for many people to do. :)
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