Thursday, 28 January 2016

a morning ramble about random things...

It jars with me when I hear people say " I can do it so everyone else should be able to." Or "I worked hard and got through it so why can't he/she/they."
In the midst of living with chronic illness, bringing up five beautifully imperfect children and pottering around this world for thirty (something) years I find it harder than ever to pass judgment on others.

I've always been fascinated with astrology. Some people have wondered if it conflicts with my religious beliefs but I haven't found so. My religious beliefs are pretty fluid anyway, which is handy, I suppose. I'm a practical person and use what works for me. Learning about astrology has never harmed me, instead it has helped me perceive other facets of humanity with more clarity.
When I look at the aspects of a particular chart I see the kinds of things a person struggles with, their limitations, their modes of expression and the kind of life that opens them up to being what they were meant to be.
I began studying astrology when I was 12 years old it still amazes me how accurate the readings can be. Sometimes I look at my children's charts to get a deeper perspective on issues or blockages they may be experiencing. 
It is a wonder how different we all are, like fingerprints and snowflakes. 
It reminds me again and again how difficult it is to understand what it must be like to live in another persons body, remember their memories or walk in their shoes.
Apparently memories can even be passed down the generations.
Our bodies inherit the faint echoes of many lives. 
I think of the legacy of slavery, the genocide of indigenous peoples, the cost of war and generational poverty.
Let's be gentle with ourselves.
Let's be gentle with others.

I don't know if you've heard of Marshall Rosenburg. I love him. Sadly he passed away last year.
He taught that destructive behavior is the tragic consequence of unmet needs inadequately expressed.
Think about that for a moment. When I first understood that concept it changed the way I saw the world forever.

I know deep down I still judge at times. I probably judge people who judge and when hearing about some awful thing on the news, something way beyond everyday annoyance and frustration I judge. I feel, appalled, angry and confused by violence and suffering. 
 But being a practical person what I want more than simple black or white answers and neat definitions is to understand the root causes of behavior.  What is the root of the root?
I want to dig down to where those roots first grew, look at the soil, the climate and the ground where those seeds first fell. I want to ask questions like, was it too dry, or was it too cold?

Celebrities seem to be a good, safe way for society to channel their judgements. I have been watching a few old episodes of the Duggars on you tube recently. Their beliefs are very different from mine but their family always fascinated me. They went through a big scandal this year which led to their show being cancelled. Obviously their eldest son's behavior has caused extreme pain to many people, but it's his sisters and his wife and children,  that seem to be the focus of many of the vitriolic comments on you tube and other media outlets. I feel so sorry for those young women. Where does all this hate come from? There seems a kind of relief in some of those negative comments. Relief that the Duggars life is not perfect after all.  It makes me sad.

I saw this TED talk recently, thank you Annie! It made me realize how deeply we all need to be understood. How we need to be known and seen. How important to our mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical health that we given the tools needed to form coherent, meaningful stories out of the fabric of our lives.

There seems to be a lot of negativity about modern life these days and I concede, as a Global community, we have a lot to work on. but one thing that I love is how much more inclusive of diversity we have become. There is more scope for myriad expressions of humanity than ever. Life seems brimming with non binary, creeds, cultures, fashions, lifestyles and modes of being in the world. I think that is something to celebrate. Less categorizing, labeling and judging and more diversity, inclusiveness and simply meeting people where they are.


7 comments:

  1. 'He taught that destructive behavior is the tragic consequence of unmet needs inadequately expressed', we need to share these words with as many as possible. It could provide us with many answers.

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  2. Such a wise and beautiful post.

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  3. "It is a wonder how different we all are, like fingerprints and snowflakes.
    It reminds me again and again how difficult it is to understand what it must be like to live in another persons body, remember their memories or walk in their shoes." Just so. I like this thought very much, and your entire post.

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  4. Amen sister! This is a message for the whole world to hear. Thank you for putting it out there. :)

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  5. comparisons and judgements are a sign of our educational system, which encourages individualisation.

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  6. I've so much enjoyed your posts in my inbox, but haven't had a moment to come by to say so. Thanks for this and your other posts. Our family was fascinated by the study of trauma in DNA. I agree with you, there are important steps being made in some if not all parts of the world in accepting each other for who we are. I think the internet and travel has helped break down great fears of the Other. Take care, Suzy, look after yourself.

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