Monday, 14 September 2015
September so far...
It has been quite a Summer.
Today the rain falls in silent streams down the window pane and my body responds with a need for blankets, quiet and hot tea.
There is a word to describe an odd creature such as myself who finds solace and comfort in the rain: Pluviophile.
The brisk red underline of spell check infers that we are not yet a recognised group.
But I know I am not alone.
On rainy days there is room for the quiet.
There is room for contemplation and solitude sans guilt.
"Your career and interests, are important, but they are only important insofar as they lead you toward a deeper understanding of yourself." A.H. Almass
This "yourself" is not, I presume, a distillation of persona, habits or reactions but an inner essence of being, that, like a silt and tide formed pearl that can only be mined if we are prepared to dive deep.
And the silt only settles when the ocean stops churning.
There are days when I need the quietness of low winds and high tides.
I need time to allow the particles fall where they may before I begin to sift and sort.
I was talking with Tani yesterday. I said, I think the only way I've been able to cope with the workload over the last few years is to drop lots of balls.
I am shabby when it comes to texting, answering the phone, e-mailing, attending school/church meetings or wrestling Nola out of her reindeer costume and mismatched socks before playdates or errands. I feel guilty for not being as "on" as I should be.
Yet this seems to be the only way I can make the room to be completely present for the things I do, do.
I want my yes, when I say it, to be meaningful and authentic.
I miss Emmy. She comes back for the weekends but they are not long enough. I understand the practicalities behind her living in town, but it still feels like a wrench.
Boo is now homeschooling once more.
On her first day she was nervous, but excited as she put on her new clothes and packed her shiny new stationary into her rucksack. However, as the days wore on she began to wilt. When she came home last Tuesday she was like a crumpled piece of paper. It just wasn't working out.
The teachers at school were kind and wonderfully supportive. Indeed, can't say enough good things about the staff. They really do turn up everyday, wanting the best for the kids in their charge.
But there were other things. The uniform was too tight. The lessons were sometimes interesting, sometimes boring and occasionally great fun, especially, dance, art and music. The playground was too small and too concrete, however the breakfast bagels were delicious. The day was too long. The rules were too strict, especially when it came to needing the loo during lessons. And sadly, friends turned out not to be friends when it mattered most.
This friend thing is so important when you are 11 and a half. Actually, this friend thing is really important when you're 30 something and a half too. I'm sure we can do more to nurture friendships in schools.
Overall Boo feels glad she had the experience, as she says, it has given her a wider perspective on how reality works and why it often doesn't :)
Just wanted to mention, we live in a tiny village with very limited and temperamental Internet connection. The BT man visited "to upgrade" the broadband a couple of weeks ago and, as it seems, got a little tangled up in the wires leading to our house. So my interweb presence may be more sporadic and random than usual until it gets sorted.
Wishing you all a lovely week ahead! Pictures are from our village's annual Picnic on the Green.