Joining Lisa Jo for 5 minute Friday today...
As Lisa Jo says... 5 Minute Friday is...
Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
It started because I’d been thinking about writing and how often our perfectionism gets in the way of our words. And I figured, why not take 5 minutes and see what comes out: not a perfect post, not a profound post, just five minutes of focused writing.
Word for today "JOIN".... GO
As a child I never felt like I could join a group. I felt a burden in belonging. A fear.
I felt the pressure to "fit in"; squeeze myself into a small space that left my soul outside.
Two beings, two pieces, broken, frayed, not whole.
So I flitted between people, and places, trying to keep myself intact.
Or I stayed alone.
I remember the feeling of being on the periphery of games as the children gathered to work out who would be who and what they would do.
I found a friend in the thoughts in my head, between the pages of a book, in sunlight echoing through trees and in silence.
But the loneliness pooled.
I moved away, tried to find my "tribe" in the alternative groups, the punks, the goths, the outsiders.
It wasn't long before I saw that they too had their "rules" an esoteric criteria of who was "in" and who was "out".
And somehow I new I couldn't squeeze my soul into those spaces either.
Motherhood came... wife-hood. Suddenly the rules were different. These clubs had clubs within clubs!
There was every kind you could think of...words I'd never needed to use before suddenly became part of my inner vocabulary.
And then the religion thing... I'm still not sure how to describe myself on that one.
But my soul who doesn't use words says it comes down to how we treat each other.
When, as a child...and as an adult I've felt the loneliness pool, and my legs wobble, My God has held my hand.
He gave me the gift of a little girl, birthed in streams of morning sunlight when I was eighteen and the only group I was in was the single, teen Mum one.
I had wondered why I couldn't get the name Emmanuelle out of my mind for nine months.
I later learned it means "God with us"
Of course now she's just my Emmy. but the meaning hasn't changed.
When I've been lost and not known the way He knelt down beside me on the aching street and whispered to me:
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Maybe none of us really fit in.
Maybe that is okay.