Firstly I truly believe that these mothers do what they do out of a deep measure of love. Yet, maybe, there is a good measure of fear in the mix too...
I came away from the programme wondering whether gaining 12 A* GCSE's really is the pinnacle of 16 years around the sun... What about gaining a Bachelors, Masters, or Phd in a subject you don't enjoy simply because it might afford you some material security ? Does our primary motivator to achieve have to be fear?
Learning yes. Deep, true, honest learning that doesn't compromise a childhood, family, joy, peace or soul, but actually enriches them. Absolutely!
There is something pretty wonderful in that kind of learning!
But the push for governance over every aspect of our lives and our children's lives? No.
I question that.
Once the exams are over and the study books put away what is left?
An emptiness that needs constant external reassurance and rewards?
A person that has never spent enough time alone in solitude and peace to ever find out who they really are and what they really want?
Someone who doesn't ever question the system?
Yes, these mother's seem to spend a lot of time with their kids which is wonderful. But this connection seems so conditional.
Communism and poverty was the diet on which Tani was raised.
Bread crumbs of fear, deprivation and the relentless stream of activity that would produce "excellence" that left his little 5 year old cousin who could not answer quickly enough in the shame of her own wet skirt for a whole day.
He finds it almost impossible to shut off, calm down, relax, just be.
To often technology often provides a synthetic numbing of senses till light bouts of sleep take over.
And so many of us exist in the quick drawing of breath as we come up for air between the mad rushes.
As the waves of synthetically driven interests rates rise above wages and hours rise above heads and the pressure for children to perform, "succeed", achieve and check the right boxes and cram minds with facts grows, we can find ourselves sinking deeper into a kind of half sleep that has little time to pause and reflect on it's own condition.
Slowly, silently, insidiously, we fall under the spell.
And in our fatigue we give our children microwaved junk instead of real home cooked food.
In our rush we drive instead of walk.
In our stress we disconnect from relationship and plug into computers and televisions.
Face book replaces a warm cup of coffee and a chat.
A lack of sensual fulfillment during the weeks is made up for at the weekend when we gorge on porn, alcohol, gambling, high risk behaviour and affairs.
Finally, in the fear that our children may not inherit the same life, or better, an enhanced version provided by fame and fortune, we push them through the treadmills of the same system.
Hours and hours every day spent away from what they really want to do or need to do to grow into fully happy, content, well rounded, healthy human beings, full of passion,energy, purpose and meaning.
People who are fulfilled and confident are usually also compassionate, giving and tolerant of others.
These are gifts the world desperately needs right now, more than anything else.
Children are fantastically inbuilt with a wondrous love of learning. Their own method being the very best one for them to utilise in their understanding of the world.
After all it is designed perfectly to suit their unique aptitudes. Nature is very good at providing the tools for learning and growth.
Yet so often methodology imposed from above often squashes those important instincts.
More importantly perhaps it makes us believe that we can't trust our innate qualities and gifts.
And people who don't trust themselves and their own intuitions and instincts are very easy to subjugate in later life.
I believe we need to have a grass roots approach that empowers individuals whatever their age.
Young people are rebelling in the only ways they know how.
Even though we are "richer" than we have ever been... Teen pregnancy is up, teen suicide is up, teen violence is on the increase, teen addictions, eating disorders and obesity, families are breaking apart, we are on more medications for mental health and behavioural disorders than ever before...
Compelling evidence speaks volumes that something is not working.
Do we have to reassess what makes happy, healthy, vibrant individuals, families and communities and start prioritising?
Maybe.
Sometimes those who can "perform" perfectly on the outside often pay for their "perfection" on the inside.
But maybe if we spend more time nourishing and nurturing the inside... the heart... the soul....
Beauty unimagined might break forth.
Unfurl a pair of wings
and fly.
I agree with you, Suzy. Especially about how it is generally easier to control people who have never learned to trust themselves.
ReplyDeleteI agree so much...thanks for writing this post - I have been thinking a lot about this lately as well. There has ben a lot of attention to the 'Tiger Mother' and simliar parenting approaches in the US news lately...and I am always saddened by the fact that kids' acceptance into top colleges is seen as proof of 'success' on the parents' behalf. What about quality of life? Happiness? I'm baffled sometimes by what is valued. Love, trust, and imagination are priceless...and cannot be forced.
ReplyDeleteSo well said Suzy. I couldn't agree with you more :).
ReplyDeletexo
Amen.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing down these thoughts.
I have just discovered your blog recently and have been reading through it. I liked this post, especially the part about not having any sense of integration during the week and thus needing to find some likewise empty insta-fun on the weekend. I've long thought something like that!
ReplyDeleteI liked your Amish post, too. I've many times felt what you wrote about ready-made fellowship. I know that the Amish aren't perfect, but there's something to be said for a sense of community that comes from working meaningfully alongside others, especially when making something with your hands. Cuts down on the need to be constantly entertaining, for one thing!
Thanks for taking the risk to write down these "not to easy" thoughts for others to read. Sometimes it helps a lot just to know that there are others out there who think the same thing.
Thank you and welcome llasblog!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your words.